Anxiety and Depression

Anxiety & Depression

Anxiety and depression are two of the most common mental health concerns in our society. They are often experienced as a complex set of emotional and functional challenges.

The science of mind-body medicine helps us understand the ongoing connection between the mind and body and see how anxiety and depression may be triggered by a variety of factors. These can include nutritional, psychological, physical,emotional, environmental, social, and spiritual factors, as well as genetic tendencies or brain disease. While we often hear about a biochemical cause, meaning that certain chemicals in the brain called neurotransmitters are out of balance, it is not clear if the level of neurotransmitters is the actual cause of anxiety and depression, or simply a symptom that a person is anxious or depressed.

Anxiety and depression are not the same, but they often occur together. It is not uncommon for people with depression to experience anxiety and people with anxiety to become depressed. There is also overlap in some of the treatments, so it is beneficial to learn about both conditions.

Depression

Depression is a common disorder, affecting over 350 million people worldwide. It is a disabling condition that adversely affects a person’s family, work, or school life; sleeping and eating habits; and general health. In the United States, the incidence of depression has increased every year in the past century, and now, according to the Centers for Disease Control, one out of ten people report experiencing a depressive episode.

Depression is typically characterized by low energy and mood, low self-esteem, and loss of interest or pleasure in normally enjoyable activities. Symptoms include:

  • Sleep disorders (too much or too little)
  • Shifts in appetite and weight (too much or too little)
  • Irritability or anxiety
  • Chronic physical symptoms, including pain, gastrointestinal disturbances, headaches, etc.
  • Loss of energy and fatigue
  • Feelings of persistent sadness, guilt, hopelessness, or loss of self-worth
  • Thinking difficulties, such as memory loss, challenges concentrating or making decisions
  • Thoughts of death or suicide

Some more facts about depression:

  • Women are 70% more likely than men to experience depression in their lifetime.
  • Men and women experience depression differently—while women tend to experience sadness and guilt, men often feel restless or angry and are more likely to turn to alcohol and drugs to cope.
  • Only 50% of people actively seek conventional treatment for depression, although a majority of people do find some relief through treatment.
  • Depression causes unnecessary suffering and is a risk factor for suicide.
  • Women and adults between the ages of 45 and 64 are most likely to meet the criteria for major depression; however, over 3% of youth ages 13-18 have also experienced a debilitating depressive episode.

Please share your thoughts so we can improve this website!

Anxiety

Anxiety may be a normal reaction to stress, and it can serve as a prompt to deal with difficult situations. However, when anxiety becomes excessive, it may fall under the classification of an anxiety disorder. The Anxiety and Depression Association of America estimates that almost one out of five people suffer from an anxiety disorder, making it the most common mental disorder in the United States.

Anxiety disorder is characterized by emotional, physical, and behavioral symptoms that create an unpleasant feeling that is typically described as uneasiness, fear, or worry. The worry is frequently accompanied by physical symptoms, especially fatigue, headaches, muscle tension, muscle aches, difficulty swallowing, trembling, twitching, irritability, sweating, and hot flashes. Emotional symptoms include fear, racing thoughts, and a feeling of impending doom. People suffering from anxiety often withdraw and seek to avoid people or certain places.

While generalized anxiety disorder is the most common, there are other anxiety disorders, including obsessive-compulsive disorder, panic disorder, phobias, and post-traumatic stress disorder.

Using an Integrated Approach

The recommendations in this article take an integrative mental health approach, which incorporates health-promoting lifestyle changes; evidence-based integrative therapies and healing practices; and mainstream interventions, including psychosocial therapies and the judicious use of medication. We cover each of these areas in detail–click the links or see the menu on the left at the top of this page.

The relatively new field of integrative mental health is a holistic model that provides a useful perspective on brain health and the treatment of depression and anxiety. Integrative mental health looks at the physical, psychological, social, and spiritual health of the individual and uses evidence-based treatments from both traditional healing systems and modern scientific practices. For more information, see The International Network of Integrative Mental Health.

Optimizing Brain Health

While depression and anxiety are usually categorized as mental illnesses, we find it more useful to think of them as disruptions in brain health, which is directly related to the physical makeup and mechanisms of the brain, as well as emotional and relational issues.

This perspective highlights the need to take care of the brain, which, like other organs in the body, is impacted by our lifestyle. As such, what we eat, how we move, and the quality of oursleep impact the functioning of our brain. In addition, how we handle stress and other emotions, the quality of our relationships, and our sense of purpose all play a role in brain/mental health.

A new concept of the brain is emerging. Instead of being a static organ that doesn’t change after adolescence, the brain is now seen as having a lifelong dynamic ability to change in response to its environment. Neuroplasticity is the term used to explain the brain’s ability to change (from small cellular changes to complete remapping) in response to new learning, experience, or injury. This new understanding underlines the importance of paying attention to our brain health and development. The brain as an organ (like the heart) needs to experience a “brain-healthy” lifestyle that includes the lifestyle guidelines in this website.

Working with Your Provider Team

When suffering from moderate to severe symptoms of depression or anxiety, it is critical to have a working relationship with a provider, or team of providers, who can help you choose your treatment approach and evaluate its effectiveness. An integrative approach includespsychosocial therapies and the judicious use of medication, as well as evidence-based complementary therapies and health-promoting lifestyle changes. The providers may include a primary care physician, nurse practitioner, psychotherapist, or other professional who is philosophically aligned with you, as well as integrative therapy providers.

If you are taking any oral natural supplements in combination with conventional prescription medications, it is critical for both the prescriber and the pharmacist to be aware which supplements you are taking.

If there are any thoughts of or plans for suicide, a conventional therapist, psychiatrist, or physician must be involved immediately, even if that necessitates the use of emergency medicine services. If someone doesn’t willingly request help, the family or other supportive members of that person’s social sphere may need to intervene and engage services. The risk for suicide often increases after early improvement induced by either medications or supplements, as the individual finds more energy and a sense of self-control. Support during this time of treatment is critical.

Suggestions to Begin

Ways to start to take care of your brain (and the rest of your body).

1)      Breathe………..slow exhalation helps relax the body

2)      Move your body

3)      Spend time in nature

4)      Get regular, replenishing sleep

5)      Spend time with supportive friends/family

6)      Accept imperfection

7)      Eat real/functional foods and drink lots of water

8)      Meditate (sitting or moving) or take regular time for self-awareness practice

9)      Practice forgiveness

10)    Practice gratitude daily

 

DISCLAIMER: The information in this website page is not to be used in place of medical treatment by a health or mental health provider.
References

Posted in News & updates | Leave a comment

Emotional health affirmations

Present Tense Affirmations
I am happy with life
I am resistant to damaging influence
I am contempt with my life
I enjoy whatever life throws at me
I am able to build strong relationships
I recover from unsettling setbacks
I am easygoing
I handle stressful situations with poise
I am open to guidance from my peers
I am in control of my emotions

 

Future Tense Affirmations
I will be more emotionally stable
I will look on the bright side of things
I will be happy with what I have
I am becoming more emotionally healthy
I will be able to maintain healthy relationships
I will feel good about myself
I will see myself in a better light
I will appreciate life for all it’s worth
I will be more open to change
I will live life to the fullest

 

Natural Affirmations
I am naturally happy
I have high levels of confidence
I trust my abilities to adapt to change
Others see me as emotionally steady
My self-esteem is high
I am naturally laid-back
I can recover from stress
Change is easy to adjust to
I am self-disciplined
I appreciate all that life has to offer
Posted in Affirmations | Leave a comment

How I Feel work sheet

HOW I FEEL

I feel ________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Happy, Worried, Annoyed, Sad, Bored, Excited, Upset, Depressed, Low, Scared, Nervous, Glad

I feel this way because ____________________________________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________.

This is what I did about it ____________________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________.

Something else I could have done _______________________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________.

Posted in Work Sheet'S | Leave a comment

Creating the life you want work sheet

CREATING THE LIFE THAT YOU WANT:

State as clearly as possible in a positive way what it is that you want to create in your life.

1.) Within the next (time frame) ______________________, I choose to _______________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Be clear why you want this and how your life will be different once you achieve this goal.

2.) I believe the benefits of doing this will be ________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________________________________.

Understand what you have going for you to help you achieve this goal.

3.) Three things that I have going for me in terms of creating the kind of future that I want are _________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________________________.

Understand the challenges that exist

4.) Three things that may keep me from creating the kind of future that I want are ______________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________.

Be especially aware of the negative self-talk that sabotages and undermines your attempts to succeed .

5.) The negative and destructive self-talk that I need to watch out for is ______________________________

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I will combat this negative self-talk by, _______________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________.

6.) Be clear about what you need to achieve this goal in terms of skill, resources, support systems etc.

I need to learn the following skills in order to accomplish this goal___________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________________________________.

I need to get these resources_________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________________________________.

I need to develop these supports _______________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________________________________.

#7. List the 3-5 major actions that you need to take to start moving towards this goal.

I need to get started by doing these things__________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________.

8.) I will take care of myself while working to create the kind of future I want by ___________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________.

9.) Stay focused on what you want to create, not on the difficulties you might be having.

I will keep myself focused on what I want to create, and the benefits this will bring me by.

___________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________

10.) Be easy on yourself! Have fun! Enjoy it! Enjoy Life!

I will remember to be easy on myself. Have fun! Enjoy it! I will work to enjoy life by doing these things. ______________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________.

Posted in Work Sheet'S | Leave a comment

Bipolar Disorder Work Sheet

To effectively manage Bipolar disorder you need to learn the warning signs….

DEPRESSION WARNING SIGNS _______________________________________________ MANIA WARNING SIGNS____________________________

How do your feelings change?

How do your thoughts change?

How do you behave differently?

Do you notice any other changes?

Posted in Work Sheet'S | Leave a comment

Self esteem work sheet

SELF ESTEEM JOURNAL

MONDAY

What I did well today____________________________________________________________________________________________.

Today I had fun when______________________________________________________________________________________________________.

I felt proud when__________________________________________________________________________________________________________.

TUESDAY

Today I accomplished______________________________________________________________________________________________________.

I had a positive experience with_______________________________________________________________________________________________.

Something I did for someone__________________________________________________________________________________________________.

WEDNESDAY

I felt good about myself when________________________________________________________________________________________________.

I was proud of someone else _________________________________________________________________________________________________.

Today was interesting because _______________________________________________________________________________________________.

THURSDAY

I felt proud when_________________________________________________________________________________________________________.

A positive thing I witnessed___________________________________________________________________________________________________.

Today I accomplished _______________________________________________________________________________________________________.

FRIDAY

Something I did well today _________________________________________________________________________________________________.

I had a positive experience with ( a person, place or thing) _________________________________________________________________________.

I was proud of someone when_________________________________________________________________________________________________.

SATURDAY

Today I had fun when______________________________________________________________________________________________________.

Something I did for someone_________________________________________________________________________________________________.

I felt good about myself when________________________________________________________________________________________________.

SUNDAY

A positive thing I witnessed_________________________________________________________________________________________________.

Today was interesting because _______________________________________________________________________________________________.

I felt proud when___________________________________________________________________________________________________________.

SOURCE Therapist provided by http://www.mentalhealthsupport community.com news letters weekly free open chat and live forum board

Posted in Work Sheet'S | Leave a comment

Problem Solving Work Sheet

PROBLEM SOLVING WORK SHEET!!!!

STEP 1

Identify the problem:

Break it down into smaller steps and decide what you need to action first.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________.

STEP 2

Brainstorm and write down as many ideas as you can that might help solve the problem, no matter how silly the seem-don’t dismiss any possible solutions.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________.

STEP 3

Consider the pros and cons of each possible solution, using a separate piece of paper.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________________________.

STEP 4

Choose one of the possible solutions that looks likely to work, based on the advantages and disadvantages.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________.

STEP 5

Plan out step-by-step what you need to do to carry out this solution. What? When? How? With whom or what?
What could cause problems? How can you get around those problems? Is this realistic and achievable?

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________________________________.

STEP 6

Do it! Carry out the plan

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________________________________.

STEP 7

Review how it went. Was it helpful? Did you achieve what you set out to achieve? If not, how could you have done it differently? Did you achieve any progress, however small, towards your goal? What have you learned?

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________.

STEP 8

If you achieved your goal-consider tackling the next step of your original problem.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________.

If you didn’t fully achieve your goal-make adjustments to your chosen solution, or return to step 3 and 4 and choose another possible solution.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________________________________.

Posted in News & updates, Work Sheet'S | Leave a comment

Personal goal setting learn to live your life from mind tool

Many people feel as if they’re adrift in the world. They work hard, but they don’t seem to get anywhere worthwhile.

A key reason that they feel this way is that they haven’t spent enough time thinking about what they want from life, and haven’t set themselves formal goals. After all, would you set out on a major journey with no real idea of your destination? Probably not!

Goal setting is a powerful process for thinking about your ideal future, and for motivating yourself to turn your vision of this future into reality.

The process of setting goals helps you choose where you want to go in life. By knowing precisely what you want to achieve, you know where you have to concentrate your efforts. You’ll also quickly spot the distractions that can, so easily, lead you astray.

Why Set Goals?

Top-level athletes, successful business-people and achievers in all fields all set goals. Setting goals gives you long-term vision and short-term motivation Add to My Personal Learning Plan. It focuses your acquisition of knowledge, and helps you to organize your time and your resources so that you can make the very most of your life.

By setting sharp, clearly defined goals, you can measure and take pride in the achievement of those goals, and you’ll see forward progress in what might previously have seemed a long pointless grind. You will also raise your self-confidence Add to My Personal Learning Plan, as you recognize your own ability and competence in achieving the goals that you’ve set.

Starting to Set Personal Goals

You set your goals on a number of levels:

First you create your “big picture” of what you want to do with your life (or over, say, the next 10 years), and identify the large-scale goals that you want to achieve.
Then, you break these down into the smaller and smaller targets that you must hit to reach your lifetime goals.
Finally, once you have your plan, you start working on it to achieve these goals.
This is why we start the process of setting goals by looking at your lifetime goals. Then, we work down to the things that you can do in, say, the next five years, then next year, next month, next week, and today, to start moving towards them.

Step 1: Setting Lifetime Goals

The first step in setting personal goals is to consider what you want to achieve in your lifetime (or at least, by a significant and distant age in the future). Setting lifetime goals gives you the overall perspective that shapes all other aspects of your decision making.

Finding This Article Useful?

You can learn another 60 time management skills, like this, by joining the Mind Tools Club.

Find Out More
To give a broad, balanced coverage of all important areas in your life, try to set goals in some of the following categories (or in other categories of your own, where these are important to you):

Career – What level do you want to reach in your career, or what do you want to achieve?
Financial – How much do you want to earn, by what stage? How is this related to your career goals?
Education – Is there any knowledge you want to acquire in particular? What information and skills will you need to have in order to achieve other goals?
Family – Do you want to be a parent? If so, how are you going to be a good parent? How do you want to be seen by a partner or by members of your extended family?
Artistic – Do you want to achieve any artistic goals?
Attitude – Is any part of your mindset holding you back? Is there any part of the way that you behave that upsets you? (If so, set a goal to improve your behavior or find a solution to the problem.)
Physical – Are there any athletic goals that you want to achieve, or do you want good health deep into old age? What steps are you going to take to achieve this?
Pleasure – How do you want to enjoy yourself? (You should ensure that some of your life is for you!)
Public Service – Do you want to make the world a better place? If so, how?
Spend some time brainstorming Add to My Personal Learning Plan these things, and then select one or more goals in each category that best reflect what you want to do. Then consider trimming again so that you have a small number of really significant goals that you can focus on.

As you do this, make sure that the goals that you have set are ones that you genuinely want to achieve, not ones that your parents, family, or employers might want. (If you have a partner, you probably want to consider what he or she wants – however, make sure that you also remain true to yourself!)

Tip:

You may also want to read our article on Personal Mission Statements Add to My Personal Learning Plan. Crafting a personal mission statement can help bring your most important goals into sharp focus.
Step 2: Setting Smaller Goals

Once you have set your lifetime goals, set a five-year plan of smaller goals that you need to complete if you are to reach your lifetime plan.

Then create a one-year plan, six-month plan, and a one-month plan of progressively smaller goals that you should reach to achieve your lifetime goals. Each of these should be based on the previous plan.

Then create a daily To-Do List Add to My Personal Learning Plan of things that you should do today to work towards your lifetime goals.

At an early stage, your smaller goals might be to read books and gather information on the achievement of your higher level goals. This will help you to improve the quality and realism of your goal setting.

Finally review your plans, and make sure that they fit the way in which you want to live your life.

Tip:

If you feel that you’re not paying enough attention to certain areas of your life, you’ll find our articles on The Wheel of Life Add to My Personal Learning Plan and the Life/Career Rainbow Add to My Personal Learning Plan useful.
Staying on Course

Once you’ve decided on your first set of goals, keep the process going by reviewing and updating your To-Do List on a daily basis.

Periodically review the longer term plans, and modify them to reflect your changing priorities and experience. (A good way of doing this is to schedule regular, repeating reviews using a computer-based diary.)

SMART Goals

A useful way of making goals more powerful is to use the SMART Add to My Personal Learning Plan mnemonic. While there are plenty of variants (some of which we’ve included in parenthesis), SMART usually stands for:

S – Specific (or Significant).
M – Measurable (or Meaningful).
A – Attainable (or Action-Oriented).
R – Relevant (or Rewarding).
T – Time-bound (or Trackable).
For example, instead of having “to sail around the world” as a goal, it’s more powerful to use the SMART goal “To have completed my trip around the world by December 31, 2015.” Obviously, this will only be attainable if a lot of preparation has been completed beforehand!

Further Tips for Setting Your Goals

The following broad guidelines will help you to set effective, achievable goals:

State each goal as a positive statement – Express your goals positively – “Execute this technique well” is a much better goal than “Don’t make this stupid mistake.”
Be precise: Set precise goals, putting in dates, times and amounts so that you can measure achievement. If you do this, you’ll know exactly when you have achieved the goal, and can take complete satisfaction from having achieved it.
Set priorities – When you have several goals, give each a priority. This helps you to avoid feeling overwhelmed by having too many goals, and helps to direct your attention to the most important ones.
Write goals down – This crystallizes them and gives them more force.
Keep operational goals small – Keep the low-level goals that you’re working towards small and achievable. If a goal is too large, then it can seem that you are not making progress towards it. Keeping goals small and incremental gives more opportunities for reward.
Set performance goals, not outcome goals – You should take care to set goals over which you have as much control as possible. It can be quite dispiriting to fail to achieve a personal goal for reasons beyond your control!

In business, these reasons could be bad business environments or unexpected effects of government policy. In sport, they could include poor judging, bad weather, injury, or just plain bad luck.

If you base your goals on personal performance, then you can keep control over the achievement of your goals, and draw satisfaction from them.

Set realistic goals – It’s important to set goals that you can achieve. All sorts of people (for example, employers, parents, media, or society) can set unrealistic goals for you. They will often do this in ignorance of your own desires and ambitions.

It’s also possible to set goals that are too difficult because you might not appreciate either the obstacles in the way, or understand quite how much skill you need to develop to achieve a particular level of performance.

Achieving Goals

When you’ve achieved a goal, take the time to enjoy the satisfaction of having done so. Absorb the implications of the goal achievement, and observe the progress that you’ve made towards other goals.

If the goal was a significant one, reward yourself appropriately. All of this helps you build the self-confidence you deserve.

With the experience of having achieved this goal, review the rest of your goal plans:

If you achieved the goal too easily, make your next goal harder.
If the goal took a dispiriting length of time to achieve, make the next goal a little easier.
If you learned something that would lead you to change other goals, do so.
If you noticed a deficit in your skills despite achieving the goal, decide whether to set goals to fix this.
Tip 1:

Our article, Golden Rules of Goal Setting Add to My Personal Learning Plan, will show you how to set yourself up for success when it comes to your goals. If you’re still having trouble, you might also want to try Backward Goal Setting Add to My Personal Learning Plan.

Tip 2:

It’s important to remember that failing to meet goals does not matter much, just as long as you learn from the experience.
Feed lessons you have learned back into the process of setting your next goals. Remember too that your goals will change as time goes on. Adjust them regularly to reflect growth in your knowledge and experience, and if goals do not hold any attraction any longer, consider letting them go.

Example Personal Goals

For her New Year’s Resolution, Susan has decided to think about what she really wants to do with her life.

Her lifetime goals are as follows:

Career – “To be managing editor of the magazine that I work for.”
Artistic – “To keep working on my illustration skills. Ultimately I want to have my own show in our downtown gallery.”
Physical – “To run a marathon.”
Now that Susan has listed her lifetime goals, she then breaks down each one into smaller, more manageable goals.

Let’s take a closer look at how she might break down her lifetime career goal – becoming managing editor of her magazine:

Five-year goal: “Become deputy editor.”
One-year goal: “Volunteer for projects that the current Managing Editor is heading up.”
Six-month goal: “Go back to school and finish my journalism degree.”
One-month goal: “Talk to the current managing editor to determine what skills are needed to do the job.”
One-week goal: “Book the meeting with the Managing Editor.”
As you can see from this example, breaking big goals down into smaller, more manageable goals makes it far easier to see how the goal will get accomplished.

Tip:

A good way of getting going with this is to use the Mind Tools Life Plan Workbook. Supported by worksheets and advice, this guides you through a simple 5-step process for setting SMART goals, and for organizing yourself for success.
Key Points

Goal setting is an important method of:

Deciding what you want to achieve in your life.
Separating what’s important from what’s irrelevant, or a distraction.
Motivating yourself.
Building your self-confidence, based on successful achievement of goals.
Set your lifetime goals first. Then, set a five-year plan of smaller goals that you need to complete if you are to reach your lifetime plan. Keep the process going by regularly reviewing and updating your goals. And remember to take time to enjoy the satisfaction of achieving your goals when you do so.

If you don’t already set goals, do so, starting now. As you make this technique part of your life, you’ll find your career accelerating, and you’ll wonder how you did without it!
This site teaches you the skills you need for a happy and successful career; and this is just one of many tools and resources that you’ll find here at Mind Tools. Subscribe to our free newsletter, or join the Mind Tools Club and really supercharge your career!

Posted in Coping mechanisms | Leave a comment

mindful how to practice gratitude

How to Practice Gratitude
BY SONJA LYUBOMIRSKY

From her book, The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want
There are multiple ways to practice the strategy of gratitude and it would be wise to choose what works best for you. When the strategy loses its freshness or meaningfulness, don’t hesitate to make a change in how, when, and how often you express yourself.
journal
If you learned that gratitude is one of the happiness activities that fit you best, you already have a leg up – that is, you’re already motivated and willing to put in the effort and commitment it takes to become more grateful. How exactly you accomplish this is up to you; what’s needed is simply to select at least one activity from the array of possibilities below.

Gratitude journal. If you enjoy writing, if you are good at it, or it feels natural to you, then a promising way to practice this strategy is with a gratitude journal – much like that used by my gratitude intervention participants. Choose a time of day when you have several minutes to step outside your life and to reflect. It may be first thing in the morning, or during lunch, or while commuting, or before bedtime. Ponder the three to five things for which you are currently grateful, from the mundane (your dryer is fixed, your flowers are finally in bloom, your husband remembered to stop by the store) to the magnificent (your child’s first steps, the beauty of the sky at night). One way to do this is to focus on all the things that you know to be true – for example, something you’re good at, what you like about where you live, goals you have achieved, and your advantages and opportunities. Don’t forget specific individuals who care for you, have made contributions to or sacrifices for you, or somehow touch your life. The results of my laboratory’s gratitude intervention suggested that on average, doing this once a week is most likely to boost happiness, and that’s my recommendation to the majority of people. However, on average means that some individuals – and those may include you – may benefit most from doing this strategy on an entirely different timetable, perhaps even daily or three times a week or twice a month. You need to determine the ideal timing tailored to your lifestyle and disposition. (See Chapter 10 in The How of Happiness for more about timing.)

Paths to gratitude. The particular means by which you go about counting your blessings will depend on your individual personality, goals, and needs. Instead of writing, some of you may choose a fixed time simply to contemplate each of your objects of gratitude and perhaps also to reflect on why you are grateful and how your life has been enriched. Others may choose to identify just one thing each day that they usually take for granted and that ordinarily goes unappreciated. Alternatively, some may want to acknowledge one ungrateful thought per day (e.g., “my sister forgot my birthday”) and substitute a grateful one (e.g., “she’s always been there for me”).

Friends and family can also help foster your appreciation. One idea is to procure a gratitude partner with whom you can share your blessings list and who prompts and encourages you if you lose motivation or simply forget. Chapter 10 describes the power and potential of social (buddy) support in greater detail. Another idea is to introduce a visitor to the things, people, and places that you love. Show off your comic book collection, your favorite park, or your favorite niece. Doing this will help you see the ordinary details of your life through another person’s eyes, affording you a fresh perspective and making you appreciate them as though you were experiencing them for the very first time.

Keep the strategy fresh. Another important recommendation is to keep the gratitude strategy fresh by varying it and not overpracticing it. My research suggests that variety – the spice of life – is extremely important. (Again, consult Chapter 10 to find out more.) For example, if you count your blessings every single day – in the exact same way, in a nonvarying routine – you may become bored with the routine and may cease to extract much meaning from it. You might instead pause to express gratitude only after particular triggers – for example, after enduring a hardship or when you are most needful of a boost. Or you may choose to write in a journal some weeks, talk to a friend other weeks, and express gratitude through art (photography, collage, watercolor) during other weeks. On the other hand, you may purposefully want to vary the domains of your life on which to focus – for example, alternately counting your blessings with respect to your supportive relationships or work life or past events or your physical surroundings or even to life itself. These techniques will help make the expression of gratitude a meaningful practice, such that it continues to bolster happiness instead of hitting a plateau.

women friendship
Express gratitude directly to another. Finally, the expression of gratitude may be particularly effective when done directly – by phone, letter, or face-to-face – to another person. If there’s someone in particular whom you owe a debt of gratitude, express your appreciation in concrete terms. Perhaps it’s your mom, favorite uncle, or old friend; perhaps it’s an old coach, teacher, or supervisor. Write him or her a letter now and, if possible, visit and read the letter out loud in person, on either a special day (birthday, anniversary, or holiday) or a random one. Describe in detail what he or she did for you and exactly how it affected your life; mention how you often remember his or her efforts. Some people find it uplifting to write gratitude letters to individuals whom they don’t know personally but who have influenced their lives (such as authors or politicians) or made their lives easier (such as their postal carriers or bus drivers).

A person close to me shared this letter that he had sent to his high school English teacher, more than thirty years after being in her class. I’d like to think that this chapter on gratitude (which he had freshly read) inspired him to write it:

The main thing I want to tell you is that you were, without question, the most influential teacher I encountered at Deer Park High School, and that I am extremely grateful for the interest you took in me. You seemed to think I had something on the ball, and trust me on this, that was a minority opinion among the school faculty. Your estimation of my abilities, inflated as it may have been, translated into a certain degree of self-confidence that served me well, I think, in the years that followed.

Perhaps more importantly, you treated me – a pretty unsophisticated 17-18 year old – as an adult, and there is nothing on earth more empowering, to a teenager, than that. Even allowing for the fact that the 1970s were very different times than these, I sometimes find myself thinking “What was she thinking?”

These findings reveal just how powerful it is to express your gratitude directly to an important person in your life.

Posted in Coping mechanisms | Leave a comment

Mindfulness The Upside to emotional pain

The Upside of Emotional Pain
Written on December 10, 2015 by Laura in Mindfulness
The Upside of Emotional Pain
“Nothing in the world is worth having or with doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty… I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well.” – Theodore Roosevelt

What thoughts or emotions arise within you as you read… really read… the statement listed above and consider taking steps toward applying Roosevelt’s sentiment toward your own life? You’re not alone if uncomfortable or defensive responses begin to emerge from your consciousness. After all, what does HE know?

If we take a moment to separate the individual from the statement – however noble or admirable that (or any) individual is considered to be – it’s the underlying message that matters. It matters because it offers us an opportunity to take an honest look at the degree to which we are living our lives authentically and in accordance with our most deeply cherished values… the stuff of life that matters the most.

Authenticity & Confidence

The thing is – even those closest to us – may never know the full extent of what that personal authenticity means… and that’s ok. In fact, that’s wonderful. It means that you have an inner world all of your own. Thos connection with your inner world of thoughts, feelings, dreams, hopes, and fears is undoubtedly valuable. However, those private images, emotions, and beliefs can become skewed… especially when life is particularly challenging.

As a fellow human being traversing my own life’s journey, I empathize with the ebb and flow between doubt and confidence. While I wouldn’t be so brazen as to imply this is how “all” people are, I’m willing to posit that it is a natural part of the human condition to doubt… to question ideals that we’ve held dear… and to have circumstances in life smack us in the face when we aren’t quite ready.

The beauty of it all is that this human experience is a natural part of life… a part of what it means to be alive. The manner in which we define “success” is generally rooted in our most deeply held values in life. In other words, it’s the stuff that matters the most when push comes to shove. As adults, we are responsible for our own behaviors, emotions, and interpretations of pivotal life events… they serve to shape the way in which we view ourselves and the development of our basic self-concept.

Embracing Self-Doubt

Let’s challenge ourselves to reflect upon this idea… who are we to recognize when we are truly “ready” – and for what, exactly? It depends… I view an admirable and noble aspect of humanity as inextricably linked to self-doubt. Yes – admirable. Without the willingness, awareness, and ability to venture toward – and even embrace – self-doubt, personal development, growth, and learning from past mistakes might be unnecessarily painful. I don’t purport to know.

Consider this… perhaps some of the people in our lives who cause, or have caused, the greatest emotional pain – however transitory or acute – just might unwittingly offer opportunities to become better versions of ourselves. The idea here is not that any individual who caused great pain is trivial; if that were so, their words would likely have little impact… it wouldn’t hit home. The solution may lie in separating the messenger from the message.

Mindfulness & Painful Emotions

The key toward moving forward from painful experiences that hit at your core self involves applying mindfulness and fearless self-reflection to the present moment – be it positive, negative, or neutral. This can be understandably challenging… imagine it as akin to taking off a bandage swiftly versus very slowly. Which approach might you prefer? Try to let go of any urges to play detective, examining your previous experiences with scrutiny. Rather, simply attend to whatever thoughts, sensations, or emotions arise within you in this moment.

In fact, when those charged emotions toward a person dubbed as the bearer of “bad” news begin to lessen (as they tend to do with the passage of time), there is a monumental opportunity to transform a potentially fruitless experience once categorized as unwanted pain into a personal blessing and catalyst for growth. And yes, sometimes such blessings can remain undetected for quite some time… that’s ok. Give yourself permission to have faith that you will become aware of the message or meaning that you need when the time is right.

For some people, this process is connected to a subconscious unwillingness to let go, or detach from, the pain. In this way, it’s not unusual for intense pain to become integrated into one’s core identity. If you identify with this experience, I encourage you to pause and ask yourself, “How does my attachment and identification with this emotional pain serve my best interests?”

Moving through emotional pain that challenges your self-concept and shakes you to the core is a trial in life that is conceptually “simple.” Essentially, such experiences can be as gut wrenching or liberating as you interpret them to be. However, I offer compassion in wholeheartedly conveying that the process of growing from emotional pain is not necessarily “easy.”

Untapped Strengths & Emotional Pain

If this resonates with your own experience, consider this… the fact that you experience emotions on a deep level may be pointing toward one of your greatest untapped strengths: the capacity to express love, experience hope, and perhaps even love another unconditionally. Have faith that emotional pain has the potential to uncover strong and resilient parts of your psyche that you may have never known existed otherwise.

If you have been significantly impacted by emotional pain in a way that has created unnecessary suffering, perhaps now is the ideal time for you to direct the utmost compassion towards yourself. Regardless of the messages you may have received from others, you deserve to grant yourself the joy, compassion, and unconditional love that you may have hoped to receive in the past. When you direct kindness and forgiveness toward yourself, you may be surprised to find that – unbeknownst to you – your natural, loving energy ultimately attracts a partner truly worthy of you… and vice versa.

Simple… but not necessarily easy.

Try taking a few moments this week to reflect on your habitual relationship patterns, expectations, and tendencies. Consider specific examples of ways in which you may be offering the very thing(s) that you dream of receiving. Challenge yourself to direct the qualities, attention, and care that you so desire from another toward yourself. Pause to reflect on differences within your relationships – subtle or overt.

If thoughts arise in your mind that begin to draw you into a (perhaps familiar) pattern of unworthiness, use those thoughts as doorways to explore any potential defensiveness or self-blame that you may be holding onto… give yourself permission to release it. There is no time like the present. Although this sentiment may have become a cliché, the truth of the matter is that the present moment is all we have… and that’s incredible.

Posted in MindFulness | Leave a comment