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These stars all struggled with depression.

Not too long ago, people didn’t really understand depression. A lot of well-intentioned people still thought of it as something someone could just will themselves out of. They thought depression was just feeling sad about stuff, and that people needed to just get over it, whatever it was. Over the last few years, unfortunately, there have been enough high profile cases of depression that have caused people to realize that it is a real, clinical condition.

Several high profile stories of celebrities suffering from depression hit the news, and not all of them had happy endings. While these stories were tragic, they helped people realize the seriousness of the condition. Many people believe that celebrities live charmed lives, but they’re not immune to medical problems.

Often times, people who have to deal with issues like depression end up making the most interesting art. The thing that makes them interesting is also the thing that hurts them the most. Here are 10 celebrities that you might not realize have suffered from depression.

Your life just doesn’t feel RIGHT.

I haven’t met anyone in my life who, at one time or another, has NOT experienced depression.

I’m not talking about experiencing overwhelming sadness or excessive crying into a puddle of helplessness.

I’m talking about the constant feeling of being numb.

This overwhelming numb feeling is a result of being disconnected from your vision. This is the true expression (in everyday living) of the big plan for your life. Life just doesn’t feel RIGHT when you’re NOT living your vision.

Let’s face it, when you’re connected to your vision you feel at ease with what you’re doing and where you’re going in your life and there’s no discomfort or feeling of being unsettled. Nothing is missing and your life has solid footing.

Isn’t this the complete opposite of when you’re feeling so numb? When you’re numb you probably don’t even feel your two feet on the ground!

Here are 6 hidden signs that you’re disconnected from your vision and your depression is really, REALLY real.

1. You don’t realize you have a purpose and life vision.

2. You feel as though you’ve been trained to do what others want, and that you’ve gradually lost touch with your dreams.

3. You feel generally unaware, and operate mostly on a subconscious level, as though you’re sleepwalking through life.

4. You feel numbed by stress, as though you function like a robot and at only the most rudimentary of levels.

5. You lack self-prioritization and don’t put yourself first — even though you’re the center of your “YOU-niverse.”

6. You’re afraid to dream BIG — or feel it is safer for you to dream small — because you believe just don’t deserve more.

The biggest sign that you’re REALLY depressed and disconnected is that you feel numb to your own emotions.

You wake up in the morning without a purpose and sense of direction, so you naturally want to go back to bed again. Days are long and filled with annoying obstacles that need to be faced. You find yourself grasping onto anything that can get you through the day. As the day progresses, you lose ground, and your self-esteem, self-worth and inner confidence get uprooted.

What’s worse is that you lose your innate ability to dream.

The answer is not a quick fix through the consumption of drugs, alcohol or cigarettes.

People need support to reconnect with their “inner dreamer” — the part of us that knows anything is possible, and that we can create anything we want in our life. People need support to reconnect with their capacity to create the experiences they have in their life.

The unconcealed solution is to take initiative and responsibility for your outcomes by seeking to create what you REALLY want in your life and make clear choices every day.

You MUST choose to live your vision!

Here are some recommendations to help you connect to your vision and ease your feelings of depression:

• Be proactive: Don’t habitually wait for things to happen.
• Be positive: Always anticipate success.
• Assume abundance: Believe there will always be plenty of opportunities and resources.
• Be creative: Seek new ideas and opportunities beyond the immediate past and present.
• Be assertive: Ask for what you want, and say “no” to what you don’t want.
• Take risks: Accept rejection and failure as part of life, and don’t take it personally.
• Be goal oriented: Clearly define and vigorously pursue your goals.

Get the support you need to succeed.

Be bold, be brilliant, and be REAL.

You’ve got this!

Depression can come in many different forms and all of them are painful.

We all know someone who is suffering from some kind of depression: our friends, familymembers and even ourselves.

Depression can come in many different forms and have many different triggers. There can sometimes be a lack of understanding when it comes to depression, as if someone suffering should just be able to pull it together. The truth is that those people dealing with depression need our support and caring as much, if not more, than anyone.

While depression can be sadness, that’s not all there is to it, and it doesn’t just come from having a bad day. Other things like genetics, abuse, medications, and major life events all have the potential to trigger a depressive episode.

In an article on Medical Daily, writer Ali Venosa looks at six different types of depression and how anybody dealing with one of them needs help and understanding.

1. Major Depressive Disorder/Clinical Depression

This is the most well known of the depressions. Symptoms can include loss of energy or fatigue, feelings of worthlessness or guilt (almost every day), impaired concentration, not being able to sleep or sleeping too much, not being interested in the things you used to enjoy, restlessness or feelings of being slowed down, weight loss or weight gain, and recurring thoughts of death or suicide. Patients speak of the all-consuming quality of this type of depression.

2. Persistent Depressive Disorder/Dysthymia

This form of depression happens when depressive symptoms become chronic. Symptoms include loss of interest in daily activities, sadness, emptiness, hopelessness, tiredness, lack of energy, low self-esteem, trouble concentrating and/or trouble making decisions, irritability, excessive anger, decreased activity, avoidance of social activities, feelings of guilt, poor appetite or overeating, and sleep problems. While symptoms are very similar to major depressive disorder, they may be less severe or last longer.

3. Bipolar Disorder/Manic Depressive Disorder

Bipolar disorder causes serious shifts in mood, energy, thinking and behavior from the highs of mania to the lows of depression. Some bipolar disorder patients don’t even notice their symptoms until a depressive episode happens and can be misdiagnosed as having major depressive disorder.

Some of the symptoms during a depressive episode include intense sadness, withdrawal from the world, no interest in things you once enjoyed, tiredness, lack of energy, lack of appetite or overeating, slow talking, lack of memory and ability to focus, poor decision-making skills, and interest in death and suicide.

4. Psychotic Depression/Depressive Psychosis

This type of depression is a combination of depression with psychotic symptoms. Symptoms include feelings of sadness, hopelessness, guilt, irritability, changes in eating, sleeping and energy levels, delusions, hallucinations, and paranoia.

The psychotic symptoms usually take on a depressive theme. For example, if the patient is hearing voices, the voices will say things like they’re worthless or they have no reason to be alive. These negative delusions can be especially dangerous and lead to suicide.

5. Postpartum Depression

This type of depression affects about 15 percent of women who give birth and manifests within four weeks of depression. Postpartum has many of the same symptoms of some of the other types of depression, including a change in appetite, sleeplessness or sleeping more than normal, sadness, difficulty concentrating, extreme fatigue, mood swings, thoughts of death, and anxiety.

There are also some additional symptoms: extreme concern and worry or lack of feelings for the baby, anger towards the baby, their partner or other family members, fear of harming the baby, excessive crying, and making frequent calls to the pediatrician with an inability to be reassured.

6. Seasonal Affective Disorder/SAD

SAD is a mood disorder associated with depression and related to seasonal variations of light.SAD affects half a million people every winter between September and April, peaking in December, January and February.

Symptoms can include feelings of guilt, hopelessness, despair, apathy and loss of self-esteem, inability to tolerate stress, mood extremes, sleep problems, feelings of fatigue and inability to carry out normal routine, avoidance of social contact, loss of interest in physical contact and overeating.

A diagnosis of SAD can be made after three consecutive winters of symptoms, especially if they’re followed by complete remission of symptoms in the spring and summer months.

If you are experiencing some of these symptoms, please seek medical attention and know that your life is valuable and people care about you. You’re not alone.

Veterans with PTSD are more likely to be diagnosed, but our suffering is just as valid.

By Summer Krafft

Tom Daley, the 22-year old British Rio Olympics hopeful and 2012 Olympic bronze medalist, came out publicly several days ago about suffering Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder after a dive gone wrong when he was distracted by a camera flash at the London Olympics.

Every time I share with someone who doesn’t know me well that I, too, have PTSD, they respond by asking, “Isn’t that for Veterans?”

What I’ve found is that most people want invisible illnesses to stay silent.

It is true that many Veterans have PTSD. In America, 11-20% of Iraqi Veterans have PTSD in a given year and 12% of Veterans from Desert Storm suffer from it as well. In the most recent study, in the 1980s, 15% of Vietnam Veterans still live with the condition.

Combat exposure is one of the most common causes of PTSD in men, but so is rape, childhood neglect, and childhood physical abuse. For women, the most common causes are rape, sexual molestation, physical attack, being threatened with a weapon, and childhood physical abuse.

So, like Tom Daley exhibits, clearly it is not just Veterans who are likely to suffer from PTSD, though their statistics are high. Does this invalidate the traumas non-Veterans endure?

The assumption that only war survivors suffer from the condition largely ignores the existence of Complex PTSD, which occurs in people exposed to prolonged trauma, most commonly children under the age of 7 who are abused by their primary caretaker. This abuse can be physical, sexual, or psychological, and all of these are processed by the brain the same way, therefore having nearly identical effects on the body.

Living with Complex PTSD is no different chemically than it would be in a Veteran returning from war with the condition. However, Complex PTSD is often misdiagnosed as Borderline Personality Disorder or Dissociative Disorder. And it’s true, we dissociate. But that’s not the whole story.

Not everyone exposed to trauma walks out of it with PTSD. Roughly 60% of men in America will endure a trauma in their lifetimes, and 50% of women, but not all of those traumas result in the condition. Of those percentages in traumas, 7-8% will develop PTSD. Although, despite the higher percentage of exposure, men are only half as like to develop PTSD as women are.

The reality is that all trauma affects the brain and the body of the survivor nearly the same.Some specific triggers are determined by the traumatizing event, but they all fall within a slightly broader category.

My mother and I are both in treatment for PTSD. When she was 10 years old, she was shot in the heart in a “freak accident” in her backyard. She drops into the fetal position whenever she hears a loud noise, much like a soldier might. She can barely breathe some days. Even in her suffering, she has to remind me to breathe whenever I am brought back to a moment with my father.

In the trauma sphere, we call these flashbacks. Some nights I wake up screaming. Many women I know are haunted by the day or night their bodies were broken into. Some can’t bear to speak about it. I also know men whose parents beat them, and now they find it nearly impossible to trust people. We all forgot how to breathe at some point. None of these are unusual symptoms of PTSD.

However, sometimes symptoms don’t surface until months or even years after the trauma. I developed PTSD when I was between 4 and 5, but was not accurately diagnosed until I was 20 years old. I have lived most of my life without language for what I’ve gone through.

Whenever someone asks me, “Isn’t PTSD for Vets?” I take a deep breath and slowly begin to offer an expanded definition of trauma, and that no one’s survival through this disorder should be belittled or discounted. Veterans with PTSD are more likely to be diagnosed and receive treatment, but our suffering is just as valid. Our suffering is likely very much the same.

You can’t know someone’s story by looking at them. Sometimes the best offering you can make a survivor of trauma is listening when they finally have the words. I hope the world is listening compassionately to Tom Daley.

Summer Krafft is a writer, playwright, performer, community arts organizer, and teaching artist located in California’s Central Valley. Her other work can be seen in NAILED Magazine, The Manifest-Station, and Penumbra. Her work tends to deal with themes of love, rage, forgiveness, and the body.

Depression isn’t always outwardly.

It’s one of those inner demons that people don’t often notice or understand too well. Contrary to what most people think, depression isn’t just a momentary sadness that you can simply snap out of if you think happy thoughts. Defined by Mayo Clinic as “a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest,” depression is a serious condition that needs attention and proper treatment.

Do you feel that you may be going through depression or that a friend is suffering from it? Watch out for these five signs of hidden depression and get help immediately.

Irritation and anger are two signs of depression. When we think about depression, it’s often characterized with a dejected state of being — helpless, apathetic, melancholic. But sometimes we mistake people with depression for simply having bad tempers. Often, this is how men express their depression.

2. They may withdraw.

When someone becomes depressed, it’s common for them to lose all interest in anything, particularly the things they once loved doing. Where they may have been a social butterfly, they are now withdrawn, sleeping late and calling into work. Withdrawing is a sign of depression.

3. They may become somewhat flaky.

When people become depressed, they’ll make plans with you at times when they feel up for it, but when it’s time for those plans to happen they may not want to follow through. Someone who suddenly begins flaking out on you could be secretly depressed.

4. They may be exhausted.

When depression sets in, sleeping becomes more difficult. Sleep problems are sometimes a warning sign of deeper problems. On the other hand, sleeping far too much is also a sign of depression.

5. They may suddenly gain or drop a large amount of weight.

People sometimes lose a lot of weight because they started eating better and exercising, so be careful trying to associate it with depression. If they’re losing or gaining weight because you think they’ve stopped eating or started eating too much in order to cope, it may be a sign your friend has depression.

Sure, the thought counts. So think twice.

I have clinical depression. It’s been a part of my life since I hit puberty. I have had highs and lows and will continue to have them throughout my life.

I’m an adult, I’m in treatment, and years of it has taught me incredible coping skills.

But that doesn’t always make it easy.

One of the toughest things about having depression is something people don’t always talk about: interacting with others.

In the US, depression is less stigmatized than it is in other parts of the world for sure. We’re more open about mental illness here, though we still have miles to go.

An unfortunate side effect of that openness can  be dealing with people who don’t understandhow to deal with people who have depression. 

Below you’ll find nine things people with depression (myself included) are tired of having to confront on a daily basis.

I don’t want to sound snide or unappreciative of the people who think they are showing us support, and I hope conversations like this one will make an ongoing dialogue about mental illness easier for everyone involved.

1. “You don’t seem depressed.” 

All depression is not created equal and the people who suffer from it are also all totally different from one another. I can get a blow-out, put on lipstick, laugh at a joke in public, and still have depression. That doesn’t make me magically better.

2. “You should try meditation.”

It’s great, great, great that your friend/uncle/co-worker cured their depression with a regularly scheduled meditation session. I’m so happy that they found the peace and coping mechanism that they needed. I’ve tried it, and meditation is great, but for me personally it is not as great as weekly therapy and a low dose of antidepressant.

3. “I exercise, so I never get depressed.”

It’s true that exercise releases serotonin, one of the chemicals produced by the brain that makes you feel happy. A natural side effect of exercise is that lovely rush of serotonin. I’m a depressed person and exercise definitely gives me a little boost. But it’s not a cure. People with depression have brains that actually produce LESS serotinin than everyone else on a regular basis. So while the uptick in the stuff feels great, it doesn’t solve the overall problem.

4. “Can’t you just take medication?”

I’ve been fortunate enough in my life to be friends with people who understand that managing depression is a lifelong struggle, and a real one. But I can’t tell you how many people I know whose mental illness has been dismissed as no big deal now that antidepressants exist. While we’ve made great strides with drugs to treat depression, that’s no reason to dismiss someone else’s experience.

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5. “It’s just a party.”

What feels like the easiest thing in the world to you can be a challenge of the highest order fora person going through a depressive episode. I have had days where the concept of blinking was more than I could handle. Sure, parties are great. But when you’re struggling to do simple things, please understand how a big social event might be overwhelming for us.

6. “You shouldn’t sleep so much.”

A person with depression isn’t sleeping because they are lazy. A person with depression is sleeping because they have real, physical symptoms that have totally exhausted them.Sleeping when you’re depressed can, in fact, be a good thing. Sleep is when the body does most of its healing.

7. “Oh my god I know, I get so depressed when it’s cold outside!” 

The word depression itself has become deeply overused. There is a difference because clinical depression and you getting a little annoyed that you have to wear pants instead of the cute skirt you just bought to work. We all get bummed out, depression is different.

8. “Have you ever tried to kill yourself?” 

Legitimately I have been asked this twice when talking about my depression. If a depressed person chooses to share their story with you, that’s their prerogative. I, for one, don’t relish talking about the darkest periods of my life while also splitting cheese dip.

9. “Don’t watch this part of the movie, you won’t be able to handle it.”

It’s really kind when people try to protect their friend with depression from things they think they won’t be able to handle. But here’s the thing, while we may have depression, we’re also adults. We know our own minds. We can turn away from something if we feel like it will be triggering. If we need your help, we won’t be afraid to ask for it.

All the effectiveness without the side effects.

Depression feels grey, like you’re under a huge dark cloud and heavy, like you are walking around carrying heavy weights. It also brings negative thoughts about yourself, about others, and about your future. Psychologist Aaron Beck called these bleak thoughts the negative cognitive triad.

If you’ve been feeling the dark cloud and thinking with the cognitive triad, you’re probably not just moody or sad. You’re depressed.

Medication sometimes eases depression but risks troubling side effects like foggy thinking, a numb feeling that blocks happiness, loss of sexual interest, and weight gain. Medication for depression can cause you to fall into a deeper and darker whole when you try to stop taking the pills.  And while meds can help you to feel better in the short run, they make you more prone to depressive episodes in the future.

Talk therapy can help and couples therapy can be especially helpful if relationship problems are triggering the depression. Exercise, socializing, sunshine and sex may be able to pop you out of the darkness, but the effects tend to be temporary.

If you already have a therapist, you might ask him or her to investigate learning these following depression treatment techniques to use with you. Some of the techniques you can even do yourself!

These 5 new alternative treatments have virtually no negative side effects and can bring a surprisingly speedy recovery:

1. Pre-frontal Lobe Energy Shifting.

New brain imaging techniques used by neuropsychology researchers have established that the brain of someone who is depressed shows more energy in the right prefrontal lobe than the left. The brain of someone who feels happy has more energy in the left than the right.

Reading this information one day, Dale Petterson, an energy therapist who works in my office suite, came up with a brilliant idea. “Let’s just shift the energy!”

Energy psychology utilizes the principle energy follows intention. It also uses the principle that intentions can be magnified by applying additional energy.

The therapist uses a special magnet with rollers on it which can be run down the governing meridian, that is, down a person’s back along his spine. While using the magnet the therapists verbalizes the intention of shifting the client’s energy from the right to the left pre-frontal lobe. The energy shifts and the depression lifts!

Sound too good to be true? Try it or watch the procedure in a video! You can even do this with Dale via Skype! If you feel better for a while, maybe a few days, and then the depression slips in again, repeat the procedure.

2. The 3 P’s Visualization.

The technique rests on an assumption that that I explain in my book From Conflict to Resolution: Depression is a disorder of power that’s triggered by a dominant-submissive interaction with a person of importance to you and/or over an issue of importance to you. That is, depression is a by-product of a win-lose conflict resolution process in which you have been the loser.

When you get depressed though you may not know what the situation was that triggered the depression.  In addition, you may feel too powerless, hopeless and helpless to come up with effective solution ideas.

You can do this technique by yourself, with the help of a friend, or with the guidance of a therapist. Close your eyes, and ask yourself the following series of questions. (If you’re doing the exercise yourself, read the question aloud, then close your eyes and repeat for each subsequent question.)

• If I were going to be irritated or mad at someone or something, someone other than myself, who or what would that be?
• As I picture that scene, what is the person doing that annoys me? How do I respond? What do I really want?
• As I continue looking at the scene, who looks bigger, the other person or me? If it’s the other person, you are depressed; if it’s you, something different is going on.
• By how much do you look smaller?
• Then take several deep breaths. With each deep breath picture yourself growing larger and larger until you feel substantially bigger than the other person.
• Now, from that position of bigness, of empowerment, what can you see that offers you ideas for a new way of solving the problem between you and the other person?
• As you picture the new solution, notice how much stronger and better you continue to feel! Alternatively, if the new solution does not keep you feeling bigger, try creating other options.

You can watch a video of this technique, which is called the 3 P’s visualization, here.

3. Emotional freedom depression treatment.

A lot has been written about EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), a tapping depression treatment that’s like acupuncture minus the needles. There’s now been substantial research that corroborates its effectiveness. Search the internet for EFT research, and to find an EFT practitioner in your locale.

4. Emotion Code.

Bradley Nelson invented this new strategy for tracking down the experiences earlier in your life that created the template for a current excessive emotional reaction reaction such as feelings of depression. The treatment then neutralizes the negative emotional impacts of that incident or relationship.

Like the other methods above, Emotion Code depression treatment is likely to be brief.  You are likely to feel significantly better within one session, though follow up sessions may be helpful to consolidate the gains.

To stay happier it may be a good idea to add some sessions of conventional therapy treatment to learn about and change old habits of thinking and acting that otherwise might bring you down again.

5. Therapy.

There’s a whole range of treatment techniques that therapists can choose from. Whether a therapist has been trained as a psychologist or psychiatrist, a social worker or a counselor, he or she is likely to have many strategies for helping you feel better. Mindfulness and cognitive therapy are among the most popular, but other techniques can work as well.

Research has shown that psychotherapy and mediation both can be effective depression treatments. The main difference is that psychotherapy gives longer-lasting results, probably because you will be learning as well as healing. Also, psychotherapy does not risk giving you the negative side effects that medication can bring.

6. Marriage education or couples therapy.

As I mentioned above, depression arises from dominant-submissive (winner-loser) interactions, especially with loved ones or with a boss or a difficult colleague. If you settle disagreements by giving up, you will end up feeling depressed. Learn instead to use collaborative dialogue and conflict resolution skills when you and your partner disagree. I teach these skills in my Power of Two book, workbook and website.

As the two of you, or even just you alone, become empowered to settle your differences in win-win ways instead of resorting to anger, fighting, giving up, or withdrawing, that dark depressive cloud is highly likely to dissipate.

Let the sun shine in!

Harvard-educated psychologist and marriage counselor Susan Heitler, Ph.D. is author of a website that teaches the skills for relationships‘ success.To help you to feel better when you’ve been feeling distressed, Dr. Heitler has just published Prescriptions Without Pills: For Relief from Depression, Anger, Anxiety and More.

What you need to know to be the BEST support system.

If your spouse or significant other is suffering from a mental illness such as anxiety ordepression, here are a few things to keep in mind that can help them — and help you keep yourmarriage healthy.

1. Know It’s Not Their Fault

This may be difficult to remember when your spouse is acting sad, angry, anxious or generally unpleasant. Keep in mind that your spouse doesn’t like how he or she is feeling or acting any better than you do. Remember you are dealing with the symptoms of an illness. The symptoms are as real of a medical condition as diabetes or high blood pressure and aren’t simply the result of negative thoughts or a bad attitude.

2. Show Them Love, Affection, And Respect (Even When They Seem Unlovable)

They are not their illness. While it’s important to remember that they have a mental illness, it’s also important to separate your spouse from their illness. It is very natural to want to emotionally disconnect and safeguard yourself when your spouse is showing signs of depression, anger, or anxiety and exhibiting behavior that seems foreign from the person you know them to be. Remember that underneath all of those unpleasant symptoms is the person you married — who needs to to draw close to them during their time of suffering.

3. Remember That A Depressed Person Feels Like They’re In A Dark Hole

It does them no good for you to jump in the hole with them. Don’t let the person with themental illness paint your reality. You can support your spouse by staying grounded in the reality outside of the hole. Understand that the illness has tainted their perception, so don’t let their emotions dictate yours. Find an outlet so that you don’t become discouraged, overwhelmed, lost or jump in your own dark hole.

4. It’s Not Personal, It’s An Illness

This will be hard to remember when your spouse takes his or her feelings and behavior out on you, but remind yourself that the mood and behavior are symptoms of the illness. It’s NOT personal. At the same time, set your boundaries and gently let your spouse know when they’ve crossed the line and hurt your feelings. You can be supportive without being a doormat.

5. Know Your Spouse’s Limitations

Living with mental illness can be frustrating and discouraging. Don’t worsen the situation by unintentionally setting your spouse up for failure by expecting them to do things that they aren’t capable of doing. Know and accept their limitations.

6. Give Yourself The Freedom To Get Emotional About The Challenges

Living with a spouse who has mental illness isn’t easy. A great deal of emotional energy is often allotted to the person with the mental illness naturally causing you to put your own emotions on hold. Find a friend or a professional with whom you can talk when you begin to feel sad, angry, frustrated, or overwhelmed. Staying emotionally healthy will enable you to be a better support to your spouse.

7. Communicate Openly

Encourage your spouse to talk about his or her feelings. In the midst of a depressive episode, anxiety, or a bipolar state, your spouse may not have the best self-insight. However, If the two of you can learn to communicate during the difficult times and express your emotions, you can each find a bit of peace.

8. Give Your Spouse The Freedom To Share When They’re Having A Hard Time

Support your spouse by learning to listen without judging or trying to fix the problem. Your spouse may feel like it’s necessary to try and hide feelings of depression or anxiety for fear of being judged or disappointing you. Communication and good listening skills are key to taking the shame and embarrassment out of the mental illness.

9. Educate Yourself About The Illness

Educating yourself about the illness is absolutely essential in supporting a spouse with a mental illness. Mental illness affects EVERY aspect of life. The more you know, the more supportive and compassionate you will be toward your spouse.

10. Be Willing To Dish Out Tough Love

In the midst of deep depression or a manic episode, your spouse may not know when it’s necessary to seek help. By the nature of the illness, your spouse or partner may not be the best judge of their current mental state. You may need to seek medical help on your spouses behalf. Prepare yourself to hold them accountable to take their medication and manage their illness.

Together, you can work through this issue and become stronger — both individually AND as aunion.

Bipolar disorder doesn’t need to be a deal-breaker.

You’re not imagining it: mental illness is on the rise. It may be that it’s just being diagnosed more. Or maybe we live in such confusing, crazy times as to push us all a little closer to the edge.

If you’re single, it can be a daunting time to make the effort to experience dating and find someone you can be with. Intimacy is important to our health and happiness, so we need strategies for love in these maddening times.

Bipolar disorder is more prevalent these days. In any given year, 2.6 percent of US adults will have an episode, and in 2.2 percent, it will be considered “severe.”

The more you date, the higher your odds are of running across someone with this disorder.Among people who have bipolar disorder, you’re far more likely to meet them when they are manic, because they are more likely to be out and about then.

Bipolar disorder is characterized by dramatic shifts in mood, energy and activity levels. These changes are so extreme that an affected individual may seem like a different person when they are up, as opposed to down. Everybody has moods, but bipolar disorder interferes with normal daily living. It can be manageable when it’s recognized and addressed. The problem is thatpeople may not know they have it, or if they do, they hide it.

If you happen to meet a Bipolar person when they are up, you’d likely find them to be exciting, brilliant and sexy. They could be the most charming person you ever meet. A little mania can make it possible to be productive all day, then dance all night and be unstoppable in the sack.

Mania, at least the mild form known as “hypomania,” can be quite appealing. A slightly manic person is likely to be talkative, have high energy, and is really enjoyable to be around. The person who has it usually doesn’t want it to end. Who DOESN’T like being up? The problem lies in the downside. When the mania subsides, exhaustion and depression take over, and often persist far longer than the manic period.

There’s a temptation to hide the dark side. When we date, we put our best foot forward. The other side of the story isn’t told. The single Bipolar person is likely to date when they are up and tend to be downright anti-social when they are down. If you meet them and fall in love with their brilliant side, you’re bound to be left wondering what’s happening when they come back down.

Lots of people take medications for depression. Some anti-depressants can cause mania in non-bipolar people. The medications for Bipolar disorder are different from anti-depressants; they are meant to stabilize a person so they don’t become manic.

Bipolar people have a tendency to go off their meds because they like the high energy manic state. Unfortunately, this increases their odds of crashing back to the bottom of the pit of despair once again. It isn’t pretty, and they aren’t likely to tell you about it on a first date.

If you’re falling for a Bipolar individual, but have fears about their illness, here are six things to remember:

1. When seeking a relationship, remember that people are complex.

There are clues that will help you detect a bipolar pattern:

• Listen for stories of sudden or radical changes in interests, jobs or relationships.
• Take note if they say they have made and lost fortunes.
• Stay tuned for delusional idealism, excessive energy, or suicide attempts.
• Watch for drug or alcohol abuse, especially self-medication for moods.

2. Don’t let their charm obscure your view.

It’s fair game when you like someone to ask their mental health history, or if they take any medications. At the bare minimum, keep an active awareness that people have many different states, and you don’t know a person until you have seen their range.

3. Know that it’s not easy being with a person who has Bipolar Disorder.

They’ll wear you out when they’re up and be painfully miserable when they’re down. It takes a certain kind of patience and calm to maintain your center around this kind of chaos. Keep breathing and keep your eyes wide open. Don’t make any important decisions (like gettingmarried or entering a business deal) until you have seen the whole picture. The door is there; use it if you need to.

4. Don’t give up if you also have BPD.

There are many people in the world who are familiar with your challenge. People can be sympathetic or even supportive. The right person won’t be afraid of your diagnosis. He or she could know about it from previous experiences. The right person can accept you as you are, and provide one more anchor to the stability and satisfaction that you need.

5. Telling the truth about your mood swings is the first step.

You will build trust if you confess early. People who can’t tolerate your swings will bail out. This is OK. Say goodbye and tell the truth to the next person. Eventually, you’ll find someone who understands. It’s much easier to live outside of the closet, less musty.

6. Understand that hope is on the horizon.

Genetic testing continues to reveal clues about why people have mood instability. If you haven’t done it yet, seek help specifically for your condition. Consider getting genetic testing, and seeking treatment based on what you find. Don’t simply accept that you must take pharmaceutical drugs for the rest of your life.

Learn the lifestyle tricks that help you stabilize. Find practitioners who are willing to look deeper and help you develop a foundation of health. Find creative work in which your nature is a strength. You too can live a happy life and find a partner who loves you deeply.