There are multiple ways to practice the strategy of gratitude and it would be wise to choose what works best for you.  When the strategy loses its freshness or meaningfulness, don’t hesitate to make a change in how, when, and how often you express yourself.

If you learned that gratitude is one of the happiness activities that fit you best, you already have a leg up – that is, you’re already motivated and willing to put in the effort and commitment it takes to become more grateful.  How exactly you accomplish this is up to you; what’s needed is simply to select at least one activity from the array of possibilities below.

Gratitude journal.  If you enjoy writing, if you are good at it, or it feels natural to you, then a promising way to practice this strategy is with a gratitude journal – much like that used by my gratitude intervention participants.  Choose a time of day when you have several minutes to step outside your life and to reflect.  It may be first thing in the morning, or during lunch, or while commuting, or before bedtime.  Ponder the three to five things for which you are currently grateful, from the mundane (your dryer is fixed, your flowers are finally in bloom, your husband remembered to stop by the store) to the magnificent (your child’s first steps, the beauty of the sky at night).  One way to do this is to focus on all the things that you know to be true – for example, something you’re good at, what you like about where you live, goals you have achieved, and your advantages and opportunities.   Don’t forget specific individuals who care for you, have made contributions to or sacrifices for you, or somehow touch your life.  The results of my laboratory’s gratitude intervention suggested that on average, doing this once a week is most likely to boost happiness, and that’s my recommendation to the majority of people.  However, on average means that some individuals – and those may include you – may benefit most from doing this strategy on an entirely different timetable, perhaps even daily or three times a week or twice a month.  You need to determine the ideal timing tailored to your lifestyle and disposition.  (See Chapter 10 in The How of Happiness for more about timing.)

Paths to gratitude.  The particular means by which you go about counting your blessings will depend on your individual personality, goals, and needs.  Instead of writing, some of you may choose a fixed time simply to contemplate each of your objects of gratitude and perhaps also to reflect on why you are grateful and how your life has been enriched.  Others may choose to identify just one thing each day that they usually take for granted and that ordinarily goes unappreciated.  Alternatively, some may want to acknowledge one ungrateful thought per day (e.g., “my sister forgot my birthday”) and substitute a grateful one (e.g., “she’s always been there for me”).

Friends and family can also help foster your appreciation.  One idea is to procure a gratitude partner with whom you can share your blessings list and who prompts and encourages you if you lose motivation or simply forget.  Chapter 10 describes the power and potential of social (buddy) support in greater detail.  Another idea is to introduce a visitor to the things, people, and places that you love.  Show off your comic book collection, your favorite park, or your favorite niece.  Doing this will help you see the ordinary details of your life through another person’s eyes, affording you a fresh perspective and making you appreciate them as though you were experiencing them for the very first time.

Keep the strategy fresh.  Another important recommendation is to keep the gratitude strategy fresh by varying it and not overpracticing it.  My research suggests that variety – the spice of life – is extremely important.   (Again, consult Chapter 10 to find out more.)  For example, if you count your blessings every single day – in the exact same way, in a nonvarying routine – you may become bored with the routine and may cease to extract much meaning from it.  You might instead pause to express gratitude only after particular triggers – for example, after enduring a hardship or when you are most needful of a boost.  Or you may choose to write in a journal some weeks, talk to a friend other weeks, and express gratitude through art (photography, collage, watercolor) during other weeks.  On the other hand, you may purposefully want to vary the domains of your life on which to focus – for example, alternately counting your blessings with respect to your supportive relationships or work life or past events or your physical surroundings or even to life itself.  These techniques will help make the expression of gratitude a meaningful practice, such that it continues to bolster happiness instead of hitting a plateau.

Express gratitude directly to another.  Finally, the expression of gratitude may be particularly effective when done directly – by phone, letter, or face-to-face – to another person.  If there’s someone in particular whom you owe a debt of gratitude, express your appreciation in concrete terms.  Perhaps it’s your mom, favorite uncle, or old friend; perhaps it’s an old coach, teacher, or supervisor.  Write him or her a letter now and, if possible, visit and read the letter out loud in person, on either a special day (birthday, anniversary, or holiday) or a random one.  Describe in detail what he or she did for you and exactly how it affected your life; mention how you often remember his or her efforts.  Some people find it uplifting to write gratitude letters to individuals whom they don’t know personally but who have influenced their lives (such as authors or politicians) or made their lives easier (such as their postal carriers or bus drivers).

Your net worth to the world is usually determined by what remains after your bad habits are subtracted from your good ones.– Benjamin Franklin, American inventor and politician

Do you have any habits that could harm your work or career? Maybe you check your email when you’re in meetings, turn up late to client visits, or take personal phone calls when you’re supposed to be focusing on your work. You might even let habits like watching too much television or excessive Internet surfing stop you working on learning goals in the evenings and at weekends.

Bad habits like these can damage reputations and limit what’s possible in our lives and careers, so it’s important that we learn how to deal with them.

In this article, we’ll look at bad habits in more detail: we’ll explore why certain behaviors become habits in the first place, and we’ll show you how you can overcome them.

Habits Defined

A habit is an acquired behavior or thought pattern that you have repeated so many times that it has become almost unconscious. As you likely already know, habits can be both helpful and harmful.

Habits are beneficial because they’re automatic. We engage in habits without thinking, which frees our brains up to focus on other things. When we have good habits, like arriving at work on time or being optimistic, we create a positive, ingrained forward motion that we don’t have to think about. We can then use our energy to focus on things that need our special attention.

However, the same is true of bad habits. We engage in these behaviors without much thought, and they can damage our personal lives and careers without us being aware of them.

There are many bad habits that can negatively affect us in our careers. Here are some examples:

• Being late for work or meetings.
• Thinking negatively .
• Gossiping.
• Seeking attention.
• Resisting change.
• Making rash decisions.
• Being defensive.
• Procrastinating .
• Multitasking .
• Engaging in self-sabotage .
• Micromanaging .
• Being a maladaptive perfectionist .

Why Bad Habits are Hard to Break

The main reason that bad habits are hard to break is down to what researchers call our “cognitive script” – these are the unconscious, automatic thoughts that we have when we encounter a situation.

These unconscious thoughts are based on previous experiences. So, if the situation is one that we’ve encountered many times before, we engage in ingrained behaviors without thinking about what we’re doing. Our actions have become habitual.

Much of the time, bad habits are also hard to break simply because they begin as enjoyable activities, which we want to repeat. (For example, we might enjoy surfing the net instead of working, or sending emails from our smartphones during meetings.)

This is because, when we do pleasurable things, our brains release dopamine, a chemical that activates the brain’s reward center. This encourages us to do those things again, and the activity becomes a habit.

Strategies for Overcoming Bad Habits

You can break bad habits and, in some cases, replace them with positive behaviors. Unfortunately this takes time; research shows that, on average, you’ll need to engage in an alternative behavior or thought pattern consistently for an average of 66 days for it to become a habit. (This can vary from 18 to 254 days, depending on the behavior and the person.)

This can seem overwhelming. But stop and think about the last time you kicked a bad habit for good. It felt great, didn’t it? Remember, your bad habit could be damaging your reputation and career, and it’s well worth putting in time and effort in to overcome it.

Keep in mind that there isn’t a “one size fits all” approach to bad habits. You’ll likely need a combination of strategies to be successful!

Use the strategies below to overcome your habits.

Create a Plan

Studies show that having a conscious plan helps you get started with overcoming bad habits. You can’t just say “I’m going to stop wasting time surfing the Internet” and expect to succeed. You have to come up with a concrete plan to make this happen.

A good way to do this is to incorporate habit-breaking into your personal goals . This helps you ensure that you review your progress on a regular basis, and work on your most damaging habits first.

Once you’ve come up with a plan, add prompts and milestones into your To-Do List orAction Program as a reminder of what you want to achieve.

Develop Self-Discipline and Self-Awareness

Studies have also found that constant self-vigilance is necessary to break a bad habit. This means watching yourself for slip-ups, and reminding yourself why you want to break the habit in the first place.

To do this, work on your self-discipline and willpower, so that you can develop the persistence and motivation you need in order to stop the behavior.

Also build self-awareness to stay aware of how you are thinking and feeling. (Self-awareness is also key to recognizing your bad habits in the first place.)

Choose the Right Approach

Some people find it effective to quit a behavior all at once, while others have more success limiting the behavior slowly over time. As such, it’s important to find an approach that works well for you. (This will probably depend on the type of habit you’re trying to break.)

To use the Internet example, instead of going “cold turkey,” you could limit yourself to five minutes of surfing every hour. Then at weekly intervals, you could cut this down to five minutes every two hours, five minutes every three hours, and so on.

Put Obstacles in Place

In his 2010 book, “The Happiness Advantage,” positive psychologist Shawn Achor says that you can break bad habits by putting obstacles in place that stop you from carrying out the behavior.

For example, if one of your bad habits is to check Twitter when you should be working, you could disconnect from the Internet by using software applications such as Freedom andAnti-Social to block access to it; or move desks, so that people who are passing can see your computer screen.

You also need to avoid the people, places, or situations that trigger the bad habit, if this is appropriate.

For instance, imagine that you’re trying to stop gossiping at work. You know that you engage in the behavior during lunch with a specific group of colleagues, so you resolve to avoid the break room, and, instead, eat lunch outside or at your desk.

Engage in Positive Behaviors

Often, you can break bad habits by replacing them with positive behaviors.

For example, let’s say that you want to stop criticizing team members. One way to avoid this would be to make a conscious effort to praise people instead.

Or, imagine that your goal is to stop checking your email in sales meetings. You could replace this by taking detailed notes on what’s being discussed, or by offering to chair the meeting.

Reward Yourself

To break a bad habit, it’s helpful to reward yourself for engaging in the positive behavior.

The reason rewards are important is because when you stop the old behavior you won’t get that all-important dopamine surge; however, the reward will give it instead. Over time, your brain will start to associate this new, positive behavior with the dopamine surge coming from the reward.

How you reward yourself is up to you, but make sure that it’s something that you truly want and will enjoy. For example, if you’re trying to stop being late, your reward for arriving at work on time could be a gourmet coffee. Then, after a week of arriving on time, you could treat yourself to brunch at your favorite café.

Rewards will do the most good if you give them instantly or on the same day that you demonstrate the “good” behavior. You’ll likely only need the rewards you set for yourself for a few weeks; once you’ve established the positive behavior, you won’t need to reward yourself as often.

Involve Others

Finally, consider asking people such as your colleagues, family members, and friends to help you break your bad habits.

Share your goals with them, and ask them to tell you if you slip back into your old ways. This will provide further accountability, and boost your motivation.

Infographic

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Anger itself isn’t a problem — it’s how you handle it. Consider the nature of anger, as well as how to manage anger and what to do when you’re confronted by someone whose anger is out of control.

What is anger?

Anger is a natural response to perceived threats. It causes your body to release adrenaline, your muscles to tighten, and your heart rate and blood pressure to increase. Your senses might feel more acute and your face and hands flushed.

However, anger becomes a problem only when you don’t manage it in a healthy way.

So it’s not ‘bad’ to feel angry?

Being angry isn’t always a bad thing. Being angry can help you share your concerns. It can prevent others from walking all over you. It can motivate you to do something positive. The key is managing your anger in a healthy way.

What causes people to get angry?

There are many common triggers for anger, such as losing your patience, feeling as if your opinion or efforts aren’t appreciated, and injustice. Other causes of anger include memories of traumatic or enraging events and worrying about personal problems.

You also have unique anger triggers, based on what you were taught to expect from yourself, others and the world around you. Your personal history feeds your reactions to anger, too. For example, if you weren’t taught how to express anger appropriately, your frustrations might simmer and make you miserable, or build up until you explode in an angry outburst.

In other cases, changes in brain chemistry or underlying medical conditions can contribute to angry outbursts.

What’s the best way to handle anger?

When you’re angry, you can deal with your feelings through:

• Expression. This is the act of conveying your anger. Expression ranges from a reasonable, rational discussion to a violent outburst.
• Suppression. This is an attempt to hold in your anger and possibly convert it into more constructive behavior. Suppressing anger, however, can cause you to turn your anger inward on yourself or express your anger through passive-aggressive behavior.
• Calming down. This is when you control your outward behavior and your internal responses by calming yourself and letting your feelings subside.

Ideally, you’ll choose constructive expression — stating your concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them.

Can anger harm your health?

Some research suggests that inappropriately expressing anger — such as keeping anger pent up — can be harmful to your health. Such responses might aggravate chronic pain or lead to sleep difficulties or digestive problems. There’s even some evidence that anger and hostility is linked with heart disease.

When is professional help needed?

Learning to control anger is a challenge for everyone at times. Consider seeking help for anger issues if your anger seems out of control, causes you to do things you regret, hurts those around you or is taking a toll on your personal relationships.

Last updated: April 13th, 2014