Self-esteem check: Too low or just right?

Self-esteem is your overall opinion of yourself — how you feel about your abilities and limitations. When you have healthy self-esteem, you feel good about yourself and see yourself as deserving the respect of others. When you have low self-esteem, you put little value on your opinions and ideas. You might constantly worry that you aren’t good enough.

Here’s how to tell if your self-esteem needs a boost and why it’s important to develop a healthy sense of your own worth.

Factors that shape and influence self-esteem

Self-esteem begins to form in early childhood. Factors that can influence self-esteem include:

  • Your own thoughts and perceptions
  • How other people react to you
  • Experiences at home, school, work and in the community
  • Illness, disability or injury
  • Culture or religion
  • Role and status in society
  • Media messages

Relationships with those close to you — parents, siblings, peers, teachers and other important contacts — are important to your self-esteem. Many beliefs you hold about yourself today reflect messages you’ve received from these people over time. If your relationships are strong and you receive generally positive feedback, you’re more likely to see yourself as worthwhile and have healthier self-esteem. If you receive mostly negative feedback and are often criticized, teased or devalued by others, you’re more likely to struggle with poor self-esteem.

Still, your own thoughts have perhaps the biggest impact on self-esteem — and these thoughts are within your control. If you tend to focus on your weaknesses or flaws, you can learn to develop a more balanced, accurate view of yourself.

Ranges of self-esteem

Self-esteem tends to fluctuate over time, depending on your circumstances. It’s normal to go through times when you feel down — or good — about yourself. Generally, however, self-esteem stays in a range that reflects how you feel about yourself overall. Consider how to recognize the extremes of your self-esteem:

  • Low self-esteem. When you have low or negative self-esteem, you put little value on your opinions and ideas. You focus on your perceived weaknesses and faults and give scant credit to your skills and assets. You believe that others are more capable or successful. You might have difficulty accepting positive feedback. You might fear failure, which can hold you back from succeeding at work or school.
  • Healthy self-esteem. When you have healthy self-esteem it means you have a balanced, accurate view of yourself. For instance, you have a good opinion of your abilities but recognize your flaws.

When self-esteem is healthy and grounded in reality, it’s hard to have too much of it. Boasting and feeling superior to others around you isn’t a sign of too much self-esteem. It’s more likely evidence of insecurity and low self-esteem.

Benefits of healthy self-esteem

When you value yourself and have good self-esteem, you feel secure and worthwhile. You have generally positive relationships with others and feel confident about your abilities. You’re also open to learning and feedback, which can help you acquire and master new skills.

With healthy self-esteem you’re:

  • Assertive in expressing your needs and opinions
  • Confident in your ability to make decisions
  • Able to form secure and honest relationships — and less likely to stay in unhealthy ones
  • Realistic in your expectations and less likely to be overcritical of yourself and others
  • More resilient and better able to weather stress and setbacks
  • Less likely to experience feelings such as worthlessness, guilt and shame
  • Less likely to develop eating disorders

Self-esteem affects virtually every facet of your life. Maintaining a healthy, realistic view of yourself isn’t about blowing your own horn. It’s about learning to like and respect yourself — faults and all.

Last updated: September 23rd, 2014

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Anger Management your questions answered

Anger management: Your questions answered

Anger itself isn’t a problem — it’s how you handle it. Consider the nature of anger, as well as how to manage anger and what to do when you’re confronted by someone whose anger is out of control.

What is anger?

Anger is a natural response to perceived threats. It causes your body to release adrenaline, your muscles to tighten, and your heart rate and blood pressure to increase. Your senses might feel more acute and your face and hands flushed.

However, anger becomes a problem only when you don’t manage it in a healthy way.

So it’s not ‘bad’ to feel angry?

Being angry isn’t always a bad thing. Being angry can help you share your concerns. It can prevent others from walking all over you. It can motivate you to do something positive. The key is managing your anger in a healthy way.

What causes people to get angry?

There are many common triggers for anger, such as losing your patience, feeling as if your opinion or efforts aren’t appreciated, and injustice. Other causes of anger include memories of traumatic or enraging events and worrying about personal problems.

You also have unique anger triggers, based on what you were taught to expect from yourself, others and the world around you. Your personal history feeds your reactions to anger, too. For example, if you weren’t taught how to express anger appropriately, your frustrations might simmer and make you miserable, or build up until you explode in an angry outburst.

In other cases, changes in brain chemistry or underlying medical conditions can contribute to angry outbursts.

What’s the best way to handle anger?

When you’re angry, you can deal with your feelings through:

  • Expression. This is the act of conveying your anger. Expression ranges from a reasonable, rational discussion to a violent outburst.
  • Suppression. This is an attempt to hold in your anger and possibly convert it into more constructive behavior. Suppressing anger, however, can cause you to turn your anger inward on yourself or express your anger through passive-aggressive behavior.
  • Calming down. This is when you control your outward behavior and your internal responses by calming yourself and letting your feelings subside.

Ideally, you’ll choose constructive expression — stating your concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them.

Can anger harm your health?

Some research suggests that inappropriately expressing anger — such as keeping anger pent up — can be harmful to your health. Such responses might aggravate chronic pain or lead to sleep difficulties or digestive problems. There’s even some evidence that anger and hostility is linked with heart disease.

When is professional help needed?

Learning to control anger is a challenge for everyone at times. Consider seeking help for anger issues if your anger seems out of control, causes you to do things you regret, hurts those around you or is taking a toll on your personal relationships.

Last updated: April 13th, 2014

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Hungry for life affirmations

Present Tense Affirmations
I enjoy life
I am social
I have fun
I see life in an exciting way
I am passionate for life
I crave life’s entertaining moments
I am easy-going
I take open opportunities to my advantage
I see the silver linings
I bring a colorful touch to my atmosphere

 

Future Tense Affirmations
I will live life to the fullest
I will seek free moments for enjoyment
I will be open-minded
I will be daring and bold
I will stop pushing life away
I will stop taking advantage of life’s indulgences
I will stop missing out
I will encourage myself to be engaged
I will learn from new experiences
I will stop fearing rejection

 

Natural Affirmations
I naturally put myself out there
I am always attuned to the pleasures of life
I accept my life for what it is
I always have a good time
I always make the best out of any situation
I simply have a strong love for life
My passion for living is overwhelming
I am naturally focused on being myself
I always look for ways to brighten the day
I am fearless when it comes to letting loose
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Emotional Health Affirmations

Present Tense Affirmations
I am happy with life
I am resistant to damaging influence
I am contempt with my life
I enjoy whatever life throws at me
I am able to build strong relationships
I recover from unsettling setbacks
I am easygoing
I handle stressful situations with poise
I am open to guidance from my peers
I am in control of my emotions

 

Future Tense Affirmations
I will be more emotionally stable
I will look on the bright side of things
I will be happy with what I have
I am becoming more emotionally healthy
I will be able to maintain healthy relationships
I will feel good about myself
I will see myself in a better light
I will appreciate life for all it’s worth
I will be more open to change
I will live life to the fullest

 

Natural Affirmations
I am naturally happy
I have high levels of confidence
I trust my abilities to adapt to change
Others see me as emotionally steady
My self-esteem is high
I am naturally laid-back
I can recover from stress
Change is easy to adjust to
I am self-disciplined
I appreciate all that life has to offer
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The Power of Mindfulness

The Power of Mindfulness

How a meditation practice can help kids become less anxious, more focused

Juliann Garey

By now there’s a good chance you’ve heard the term “mindfulness.” It seems to be everywhere—touted as the new yoga, the answer to stress, the alternative to Xanax. But beyond the buzz, what is it? Jon Kabat-Zinn, the scientist and widely recognized father of contemporary, medically based mindfulness—over 30 years ago he developed a therapeutic meditation practice known as Mindful Based Stress Reduction (MBSR)—defines mindfulness simply as “paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment and non-judgmentally.”

That’s the short version. To expand on that just a little, mindfulness is a meditation practice that begins with paying attention to breathing in order to focus on the here and now—not what might have been or what you’re worried could be. The ultimate goal is to give you enough distance from disturbing thoughts and emotions to be able to observe them without immediately reacting to them.

In the last few years mindfulness has emerged as a way of treating children and adolescents with conditions ranging from ADHD to anxiety, autism spectrum disorders, depression and stress. And the benefits are proving to be tremendous.

But how do you explain mindfulness to a five year-old? When she’s teaching mindfulness to children, Dr. Amy Saltzman, a holistic physician and mindfulness coach in Menlo Park, California, prefers not to define the word but rather to invite the child to feel the experience first—to find their “still, quiet place.”

Choosing behaviors

“We begin by paying attention to breath,” she says. “The feeling of the expansion of the in-breath, the stillness between the in-breath and the out-breath. I invite them to rest in the space between the breaths. Then I explain that this still quiet place is always with us—when we’re sad, when we’re angry, excited, happy, frustrated. They can feel it in their bodies. And it becomes a felt experience of awareness. They can learn to observe their thoughts and feelings, and the biggest thing for me is they can begin to choose their behaviors.”

In her private practice, Saltzman, and her Still Quiet Place CDs for Young Children and Teens, teaches mindfulness to children and adolescents with a variety of challenges. “I work with kids individually with ADHD, with anxiety, depression, autism, anger management issues. The lovely thing about working one-on-one is you get to tailor what you offer to them.”

Saltzman also conducted a study in conjunction with researchers at Stanford University showing that after 8 weeks of mindfulness training, the fourth through sixth graders in the study had documented decreases in anxiety, and improvements in attention. They were less emotionally reactive and more able to handle daily challenges and choose their behavior.

As a teacher at The Nantucket New School where every student gets instruction in mindfulness, Allison Johnson has learned first hand what a difference it can make for kids. So she tried it at home. “I have a six-year-old son with ADHD,” she says. “I brought a chime home. We use it most nights before bed. ‘Cause he doesn’t love going to sleep. We sit on the floor facing each other, we close our eyes and we ring the chime. Sometimes we incorporate a visualization—like he’s floating on a cloud. We go on this little journey. And we ring the chime again and we say ‘when you can no longer hear the chime it’s time to open your eyes and come back to focus.’ And now if he gets in trouble and gets sent to his room, I can hear him upstairs doing it himself. Or when he’s getting unusually rowdy he’ll say ‘okay lets do our mindful breathing now.’” Johnson says since Curren started practicing mindfulness she’s seen subtle but noticeable differences in his behavior. “He’s more able to bring his focus and attention back to where they were—remembering to raise his hand and not move around so much.”

Mindfulness and teenagers

While the research on children and adolescents is really just beginning to gain real traction, there are several small studies showing that for kids who suffer from anxiety and ADHD, mindfulness can be especially helpful. Diana Winston, author of Wide Awake and the Director of Mindfulness Education at UCLA’s Mindful Awareness Research Center, started taking teens with ADHD on retreats for what she calls “mindfulness intensive camp” back in 1993. Twenty years later the program is still going strong.

“Teens benefit tremendously,” she says. “Kids talk about their lives being transformed. I remember one girl with ADD who’d been very depressed and I didn’t think we were reaching her. On the last day of class she came in and said, ‘everything is different. I was really depressed. My boyfriend broke up with me and it’s been so hard but I’m finally understanding that I’m not my thoughts.’ That concept is huge—the non-identifying with the negative thoughts and having a little more space and freedom in the midst of it.”

Stress reduction and self-acceptance are two of the major perks of mindfulness, benefits Winston says are particularly important during the drama and turmoil-filled teen years. “Emotional regulation, learning how to quiet one’s mind—those are invaluable skills.”

Managing anxiety

Randye Semple, PhD, an assistant professor at the University of Southern California’s Keck School of Medicine, has spent her career developing programs to teach anxious kids how to quiet their minds. “When I look at childhood anxiety I see an enormous problem and a precursor to other problems in adolescents and adults,” she says. “So I figured if we could manage the anxiety we could head off a lot of the other problems.”Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy for Anxious Children, the book she co-authored, is based on the program she developed. A study she and her co-author, clinical psychologist Jennifer Lee, conducted from 2000-2003 showed significant reductions in both anxiety and behavior problems in 8- to 12-year-olds in Harlem and Spanish Harlem who participated in the program.

Teaching mindfulness to children and adolescents is a growing trend—in private practices as part of therapy and increasingly as part of the curriculum in both Special Ed and General Ed classes throughout the country. “We’re at the beginning of a movement,” says Megan Cowan, co-founder and executive director of programs at Mindful Schools in Oakland, California. “Jon Kabat-Zinn’s work really set the stage for mindfulness to be visible on a mainstream landscape. I think we all have the sense that society’s a little out of control. Education is a little out of control. We’re all looking for a way to change that. This is meaningful to almost everybody.”

 

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Watching for Signs of Psychosis in Teens

Catching kids early and supporting them before they’re in crisis can delay onset and reduce impairment

Juliann Garey

There are fewer more frightening or challenging psychiatric conditions for a family to face than psychosis, an extreme mental state in which impaired thinking and emotions cause a person to lose contact with reality. This could mean hearing or seeing things that aren’t there (hallucinations), or believing things that aren’t true (delusions).

The illness most often associated with psychosis, schizophrenia, usually doesn’t show up until very late adolescence or early adulthood. Recently, however, experts in the field have been working to identify high-risk kids who show symptoms that could serve as early warning signs of psychosis, and several academic centers have been set up to focus on this crucial period when it may be possible to change the trajectory of mental illness.

Not all the kids who are identified with what experts call “prodromal” symptoms will progress, or “convert” to full-blown psychotic illness. But early intervention has been shown to improve outcomes for those who do. And since psychotic symptoms cause disruption across a teenager’s life, from school to friendships to family, researchers are hoping quick action can prevent impairment and prolong typical functioning.

What’s more, some of the approaches that show promise in delaying onset of psychosis or mitigating symptoms include fairly simple lifestyle changes like stress reduction and sleep hygiene, and managing co-occurring disorders like anxiety. The key: identifying at-risk kids earlier when these low-impact measures are still effective.

What are “prodromal” symptoms?

Prodromal symptoms are “attenuated” or weak symptoms of psychosis. Moreover, “they are a warning sign,” says Dr. Christoph Correll, the medical director of the Recognition and Prevention Program (RAP) at Zucker Hillside Hospital in Queens, NY, which specializes in diagnosing and treating early symptoms of mental illness in teenagers and young adults. “These signs can happen in people who don’t go on to develop psychosis—but if we follow these people who are in the risk state based on these watered-down versions, one third will probably go on to develop psychosis. That’s a lot more than in the general population.”

Prodromal symptoms occur on a spectrum from very, very mild to severe and can include:

  • Withdrawing from friends and family/feeling suspicious of others
  • Changes in sleeping or eating patterns
  • Less concern with appearance, clothes or hygiene
  • Difficulty organizing thoughts or speech
  • Loss of usual interest in activities or of motivation and energy
  • Development of unusual ideas or behaviors
  • Unusual perceptions, such as visions or hearing voices (or even seeing shadows)
  • Feeling like things are unreal
  • Change in personality
  • Feelings of grandiosity (belief he has a superpower, etc)

In some cases, these symptoms represent the early stages of a disorder, and will eventually convert. In others, the symptoms actually fade or remain mild. Dr. Tiziano Colibazzi is a psychiatrist at Columbia Presbyterian’s COPE clinic (Center for Prevention and Evaluation), which was established to research and treat prodromal symptoms. “We can identify a group of people that are at clinically high risk,” says Dr. Colibazzi. “What we can’t do is narrow that group down further to identify the 30 percent who will convert.”

First step if you feel your child is at risk: An evaluation

The right treatment for prodromal symptoms depends entirely on how severe they are when they are diagnosed. The first step is a proper and complete diagnosis by a mental health professional with experience in assessing psychotic illness.

If you see marked changes in motivation, thinking, and/or behavior in your child, the first place to start is with her pediatrician to rule out a medical illness. Substance use also needs to be ruled out as the cause of any behavior changes in adolescents. After that, you’re going to want to have your child evaluated by a qualified psychiatrist or psychologist. This in itself might be a multi-step process.

“You can’t just look at the kid once and get a bit of a history and then know what’s going on, ” says Dr. Correll. “Kids develop; symptoms develop. And the trajectory—how things change, get better or worse, what other symptoms add on to it—will be highly informative in telling us something about the prognosis, what we expect to happen.”

Related: First Psychotic Episode: How Early Treatment After the Incident Reduces Recurrence by 50 Percent 

One aid to predicting the evolution and severity of symptoms, notes Dr. Colibazzi, is the patient’s ability to doubt his symptoms. If your child retains the self-awareness to know that it’s his mind that is playing tricks on him, it’s an indication that symptoms are still in the very early stages. As symptoms become more severe, the patient’s beliefs (whether paranoid, grandiose or hallucinatory) become increasingly difficult to challenge.

Lifestyle and mental health options

Psychotic symptoms and illnesses have been shown to vary quite a bit depending on the environment—the health of our bodies, our interpersonal relationships, our mindsets. As with any illness, but particularly important in at-risk youth, healthy living is key. Regardless of the severity of prodromal symptoms, Dr. Correll says that your child’s outcome can be improved by making sure your kid sticks to a routine that includes:

  • Eating well
  • Getting regular exercise
  • Adhering to a regular sleep schedule
  • Reducing stress as much as possible
  • Staying away from drugs—particularly marijuana, which can interact with prodromal symptoms and increase the risk for psychosis significantly

Also, don’t forget to address depression and anxiety. According to Dr. Correll, “adults who eventually developed schizophrenia identified a three to five year period during which they experienced depression or anxiety before developing the prodromal symptoms of psychosis and then developed full-blown psychosis.” “So treating the depression early,” he says, “might actually interrupt the progression from depression to psychosis in some patients.”

Treatment for prodromal psychotic symptoms

Dr. Correll recommends trying several approaches. Mild symptoms call for more low-key treatments including:

  • Psycho-education: teaching both the kid and the family more about the symptoms and the illness.
  • Therapy, particularly cognitive behavioral therapy: “CBT can be good to change one’s thinking patterns,” says Correll, “and also to address developing self-esteem. We have to be careful that kids with a psychiatric diagnosis don’t self-stigmatize and get into a hopeless or negative mode where they feel they can’t achieve.”
  • Lifestyle adjustments: Assessing whether the current school environment is best for the child. Perhaps a therapeutic social group to help the child cope.
  • Reducing Stress: Stress is often a trigger for symptoms, so reducing stress in these kids’ lives is crucial and may prevent or delay conversion to psychotic illness.

Understanding prodromal symptoms and monitoring kids who are at high risk for psychotic illness means that parents can do more for their kids than wait for symptoms to get worse or merely hope for the best. Early monitoring and intervention can give high-risk kids an advantage, which researchers hope will eventually change the odds when it comes to psychotic illness.

“The duration of untreated psychosis does actually seem to affect the course of the illness,” Dr. Colibazzi says. The longer the illness goes untreated, the greater the chance that it will cause serious disruption in all areas of the patient’s life. “So it is reasonable to think that just following someone very closely and treating them very early, as soon as they develop symptoms, would be helpful.”

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Emotional Intelligence affirmations

Present Tense Affirmations
I am aware of my emotions
I am alert to the feelings of those around me
I pick up on mood changes in myself and in others
I can reason with my emotions
My emotions are under control
I manage my feelings
Understanding emotions comes easily to me
I regulate the emotions of my peers
I respond appropriately to my emotions
I accurately interpret the emotions of others

 

Future Tense Affirmations
I will focus more on my feelings
I will acknowledge my emotions
I will react to the emotions of those around me
I am becoming confident in my emotional perception
I will intelligently evaluate others’ sentiments
I will be seen as emotionally aware
My emotions will be manageable
My ability to get along with others will improve
I will asses the emotions of my peers
I will be able to build stronger relationships with others

 

Natural Affirmations
I am naturally attentive to emotions
Emotional intelligence comes second-nature to me
I am tuned-in to the feelings of others
I simply manage my emotions
I just naturally know my emotional boundaries
I instinctively read my peers’ emotions
Others see me as emotionally aware
I am tuned-in to my emotional well-being
I have full confidence in my emotional judgment
Emotions are easy to dissect
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Self help affirmations

Present Tense Affirmations
I am improving myself
I have the power to change
I always take care of myself
I am a positive thinker
I have the confidence to succeed
I am happy with myself
I am constantly growing and developing
I am taking steps to better my life
I believe in myself
I love and respect myself deeply

 

Future Tense Affirmations
My life is beginning to improve
I will always nurture myself
My attitude is becoming more positive
I will keep making progress
I will love and accept myself unconditionally
Having confidence in myself is becoming easier with each passing day
My self-belief is growing
I am starting to make positive changes in my life
I am transforming into someone who lives a healthy and balanced life
Everyday I become more empowered to take control of my life

 

Natural Affirmations
Positive thinking comes naturally to me
I have the desire to be healthy and happy
It is easy for me to make lasting positive changes
Personal growth is an important part of my life
I am a naturally balanced and healthy person
I have complete confidence in myself
I enjoy improving myself and bettering my life
I deserve to live a great life
Believing in myself is my normal state of mind
I have the power to create the life of my dreams
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Block out pain affirmations

Present Tense Affirmations
I am pain-free at all times
I find it easy to relax
My mind is calm at all times
I easily release all tension I have in my mind and body
I am in control of my pain
My body is healthy and pain free
I am relaxed
I focus only on the future and not the past
am peaceful even when life is hectic
I am not controlled by my pain

 

Future Tense Affirmations
I am becoming more relaxed by the day
I will become someone who is not controlled by pain
I will let go of the past
I will become free from pain
Each day I feel pain less and less
I am finding it easier to only think positive
I will find the time to relax my mind each day
Others are beginning to notice how much happier I am becoming
I am finding it easier to not let life get me down
Each day I am finding it easier and easier to control my pain

 

Natural Affirmations
Being free of pain is just something I am
I find it easy to release stress
My body is just always naturally relaxed
Thinking positive is just something I naturally do
Being in control of my pain is easy for me
Controlling my pain is effortless for me
My mind is naturally calm and relaxed
Having a natural ability to heal myself has helped my life greatly
I find it easy to stay positive and pain free even when things get tough
I have the natural ability to control the physical aspects of my body with my mind
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Staying SAFE ON LINE

STAYING SAFE ON LINE:

 

Please take note of the following to protect yours and others anonymity:

Please don’t use your e-mail address in posts or as your username, as it may end up in the search engines and be subject to spam. Also don’t use your full name as people may be able to search for it. If you have used your real name in your login and are concerned about this we are happy to change it. Please let us know by posting here or contacting a Support Admin !

For legal reasons and for maintaining positive relationships please do not name and shame family members, friends, services, or mental health professionals. We strongly recommend that you keep all personal details off the forum – that includes your full name, email address, and any other means of contact.

Whilst the forum is often a place for talking and forming friendships with other members, we must stress the importance of protecting yourself in an online community..

Please do bear in mind that not everyone on-line is who they say they are.

If you choose to pursue friendships with members of this forum away from the board, we do urge you to exercise caution and common sense. For instance, arrange to meet in a public place, preferably a cafe or similar, where there will be others around. Please take actions to keep yourself safe by taking a friend with you or letting someone know where you are. Do not out give out personal details, such as your home address or telephone number.

We want all our members to feel safe and comfortable using our forum.

If you have any concerns about issues relating to the above on this forum, please do contact a member of The Support Team…. Laura and or JanSupport @ janmcavoy@aol.com

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