Far from fine

You ask me what’s wrong,

But I can’t tell you

That doesn’t mean I’m fine,

It means I cannot find the words to tell you how I feel.

I said I was ok and you believed me

When really I wanted you to see through the lies,

How could you not see the pain I was in?

You think I’m fine because I’m not crying

But I’m so numb I cannot cry

It doesn’t mean that I’m ok.

I told you I feel like shit

You said I couldn’t know what shit felt like

I think you’re wrong.

You tell me I need to pull myself together

And to help myself

I think if it was that easy I would have already done it.

Posted in News & updates | Leave a comment

Time

An insane person invented time

It’s the only way to either

Measure out pain

Or endure it

Posted in News & updates | Leave a comment

Empty

I wish I could cry 

At least I would feel better 

I wish I could feel 

But I just don’t know what to feel any more 

I wish I I could think 

But my mind goes blank 

My stomach feels packed 

Hands go numb 

This feels wrong 

What have I become 

Songs can’t be sung….

Posted in News & updates | Leave a comment

Faithful mask

Surrounded by unknowns 

They can not see my face 

Beneath my covers

I hide my inner secrets 

No one knows who I am

I do not wish to reveal it

The true self which lies with in

Cannot ever face the world

For I have so much to hide

And so little trust in you

Posted in News & updates | Leave a comment

Soul that’s true

Life is crazy and unfair

We cripe about it

Fight for it

It’s ours

Still we long to love it our way

Wasted years to find reasons to make

It more meaningful

Wasting more

Regretting

We haven’t proved it yet

For things we never chose

We were only meant to live

With a heart that’s pure

And a soul that’s true

Posted in News & updates | Leave a comment

Bipolar A-Z

Angered by the smallest things

Bipolar disorder is my king

Conveying thoughts, hard to do

Distractions overwhelm; I’m subdued

Energy level at an all time low

Frustration beyond reason is my foe

Going places; standing idle fast

Hanging onto, “normal” visions of past

Imminent danger doesn’t seem real

Justifying my reasons; unable to feel

Kidnapped my soul, without a fee

Learning to cope and trust only me

Manic depression, or so they say

Negotiating terms of a mindset betray

Oppressed memories, trailing behind

Paralyzing thoughts, not hard to find

Quaintly waiting for me to confess

Raging temper at its very best

Selective my hearing, taking my soul

Tearful manipulation is my goal

Unconventional ideas; lies I must bare

Venomously I have waited, for my share

Wishfully longing for your return

X-rays show a mental psychosis learned

Yesterday’s genius, today’s broken plea

Waiting for my turn to be FREE

Posted in News & updates | Leave a comment

What is mind what is thought

I am a psychiatric patient for, Bipolar Disorder 1 with mixed state & rapid cycler, along with major anxiety, agoraphobia, & ADHD combined type. 
I had always suffered from emotional problems. At one point in my life, I was hopeless. It was a struggle every day to take care of my son, myself, and work. I had given up on life. I was told I would never get better. I was suicidal, broken, and a lost cause.

I believed, and my health care providers believed, I would be terminally sick for the rest of my life.

I was told by a psychiatrist that I should apply for disability because I would not be able to work and live a productive life.

P.S. Psychiatrists are not always right- don’t always believe what they tell you!
In the darkest moments of my life, I learned the keys to mental and physical well- being. Someday I know that I will live a life of peace, and gratitude.
I know when you are diagnosed with a Mental Illness or you are suffering the hell of a mental breakdown, somehow you feel like you are the only one. You feel like you have the plague. You are so different from everyone else. Something is wrong with you. You are damaged, alone, and broken.
I believe everyone has the ability to be free of Mental Illness, Spiritual distress, and Psychological Dysfunction. I am not a miracle, a special circumstance..well maybe just a bit!!! I believe everyone has hope! Everyone can be at peace! This is my journey and I hope what I have learned can help you uncover your own inner resilience and spiritual well- being. After-all, you’re not so broke!
If you have ever been a mental patient than you know that what is worse than death itself is being Depressed and or Suicidal, and having to talk to Psychiatrist after Psychiatrist! If you didn’t already want to die, the process of being Hospitalized will make you hate life!
You are not sick. You are not hopeless. I learned in that Mental Health can be realized in a moment!
Underneath all that perfection was a really scary secret. I was not so perfect after all.

I struggled with my own demons. I was the happiest person on earth, and the saddest individual sorry enough to be alive. I was at twenty-eight BIPOLAR!

Manic Depression is Killing My Soul…
Manic depression. Bipolar disorder. There I had a label and clinical diagnosis. I was a hot mess but my symptoms fit into a chapter in the Diagnostic and Statistics Manual- the Bible of Psychiatry! My life completely fell apart. I tried every medication that was supposed to sedate the mind. I saw too many Psychiatrists and Therapists to count. I was struggling to stay alive. Who would save my soul ? 
Train wreck No More! Goodbye Hopeless!

Understanding the three principles of mind, thought, and consciousness restored my peace and allowed me to regain my life. Those who had deemed me hopeless and a lost cause were proved really, really wrong!  The journey to wellbeing and stability was not easy. I went through a divorce and cried my heart out. I got through so many tough times. But I was able to find my way back from mental illness and psychosis because I had an understanding of mind, thought, and consciousness.

Mind, Thought, and What???
Understanding these three principles restored my peace and allowed me to regain my life. Achieving Mental Well – Being is not a matter of will Power, Psychotherapy, Medication Levels, Cognitive Therapy or Process Groups. Mental Wellness is accessible to anyone, at any time, through the understanding of the use of the gifts of Mind, Thought, and Consciousness.  

These three principles helped me let go of the demons in my head. As you read, don’t worry about logically figuring it out. Pay attention to how the words make you feel.
PS. I did not invent these three principles. They are universal principles like the laws of gravity.
 We can all experience peace in our lives no matter what is happening in the world around us! Life is really beautiful when you understand how your reality is created. Meaning that we are all lovely, peaceful, and beautiful creatures that function based on our level of understanding and our use of the gifts of Mind, Thought, and Consciousness.
What is Mind:

It is the universal force behind all things. Mind is a Spiritual concept. Mind is the energy of all creation- form and formless. We are all connected by the Spiritual energy of the Universal Mind. There is an oneness to life when we use the gift of the Universal Mind. Personal Mind is our own individual Thought System. Our own perceptions of reality are mostly a delusion created by the Personal Mind. Problems are created in the Personal Mind and the Solutions lie in the Universal Mind.

What is Thought?
Thought is the power to create form from formless. Thought is the ability to know. We use the gift of Universal Mind to create Thoughts. The gift of Thought guides us through the world. Personal Thought determines how we feel and how we relate to others around us. 

“Thought is not reality” yet it is through Thought that our realities are created. It is what we as humans put into our Thoughts dictates what we think of life.”
Problems are created by the misuse of Personal Thought. You really are what you think! If you think you are a failure and life will never get better, you will feel Depressed and feel Discouraged. You are the creator of your own reality. You use Thought to give form to the Universal Energy of Mind. Be very careful how you use the gift of Thought. If you can see that you are creating your own reality, life will be much gentler.
I have learned to find peace by letting my Personal Thoughts flow. Thought naturally flows much like a river. Being present is the ability to not get stuck in your own Thoughts. You can really get lost in your own thinking. Your Thoughts can overwhelm you and cause a great deal of Emotional Distress. Do not try to change your Thoughts-this never works, just let your thinking be for a bit and your Mood will naturally improve.
Many of the problems in life are created by the innocent misuse of Personal Thought. We innocently create problems in our lives by over thinking. 

“I don’t think too much, it hurts!”

This could not be more true. Over Analyzing creates Emotional Pain and Insecurity. If you can understand many problems are mere delusions created by your use of Personal Thought, the world become’s a less scary place. Peace is really just one Thought away. If you can understand this powerful concept, you really are in amazing shape!

Posted in News & updates | Leave a comment

Calmness

Calmness of mind is one of the beautiful jewels of wisdom. It is the result of long and patient effort in self-control. Its presence is an indication of ripened experience, and of a more than ordinary knowledge of operations of thought.

A person becomes calm in the measure that one understands themselves as a thought evolved being, for such knowledge necessitates the understanding of others as the result of thought, and as one develops a right understanding, and sees more and more clearly the relations of things by the action of cause and effect, one ceases to fuss and fume and worry and grieve, and remains serene.

The calm person, having learned how to regulate themselves, knows how to adapt themselves to others; and they, in turn, glorify in their spiritual strength, and feel that they can learn of them, and rely upon them.

The more tranquil a person becomes, the greater is their success, their influence, their power for good.

Self-control is strength.

Calmness is power.

Say unto your heart;

“Peace, Be Still.”

Breathe:

You can’t control how people behave. You can’t control everything that happens to you. What you can control is how you respond to it all. 

In your response is your power. 

12 / 2017′

Posted in News & updates | Leave a comment

I am trying to help others

I help others so they don’t feel pain
When in reality I feel pain ourselves
I get emotionally invested
I care about every person
We create bonds
I try to save the world one person at a time
No I am not a super hero
Just someone on a mission
To try to make the world a better place
One day at a time
One cup for anxiety
One cup for self harm
One cup for break ups
One cup for depression
One cup for bullying
One cup for self abuse
I help those that are like me
Changing it one person at a time.

Posted in News & updates | Leave a comment

To lighten the load

Make sure your only carrying today’s burdens. 
Too often we carry far more than necessary,
Reduce your load by dropping tomorrow’s worries, and yesterday’s baggage. 
Present pressures and problems are usually enough. 
Leave tomorrow’s until later. 

“Every morning cries to us: do wat u ought and trust what may be. 

Johann Wolfgang Goethe. 1749-1832

Posted in News & updates | Leave a comment