Bipolar4LifeSupport

For many people, emotions are a scary thing. Part of the problem is that we just don’t know what to do with them, according to Darlene Mininni, Ph.D, MPH, author of The Emotional Toolkit.

So we turn to the only strategies we do know. If you’re a man, you might distract yourself by playing video games, tinkering with your tools or drinking alcohol, she said. If you’re a woman, you might shop or eat.

Turning to these tools occasionally is OK, Mininni said. Making them part of your regular coping repertoire, however, is problematic.

Emotions are valuable, and offer a bounty of benefits. Once we’re able to process and cope with them effectively, we can learn a lot about ourselves and our needs, Mininni said. Emotions send us important messages and help us connect with others and accomplish great things, she said.

Using unhealthy strategies can sabotage our relationships, job and even our health, Mininni said. In fact, people who handle stress effectively have healthier immune systems, don’t get sick as often and age up to 16 years more slowly than people who don’t.1

What is an Emotion?

There’s actually no consensus on what an emotion is, Mininni said. She defines emotions as a “full-body experience,” an interplay between our thoughts and physical sensations.

As an illustration, Mininni created the following simple formula:

Thoughts + Body Sensations = Emotion

For instance, a kind of giddy happiness and anxiety have the same sensations, such as tight muscles and a pounding heart. What determines whether we feel happy or anxious are our thoughts.

Decoding Emotions

Mininni created a valuable step-by-step process to help people identify and manage their emotions. The first step is to figure out what you’re feeling – and you just need to choose from four main emotions.

Mininni said that all emotions fall into these categories: anxiety, sadness, anger and happiness. With anxiety, she said, your mind lights up with “What ifs?” What if I lose my job? What if I don’t meet someone? What if I fail my test?

You have thoughts of the future and everything that can go wrong, she said. Your physical sensations include a racing heart, tight muscles and clenched jaw.

With sadness, you have negative thoughts about the past. You feel tired and heavy; you might cry and have trouble concentrating, she said.

With anger, your thoughts are focused on how you or your values have been attacked, she said. The physical sensations are similar to anxiety, including a racing heart and tightness in the body.

With happiness, your thoughts are focused on what you’ve gained. Maybe you landed a great job, found a nice apartment or received a compliment. Physically, you feel light or calm, and you might laugh and smile, she said.

The next step is to identify the message of your emotion. To do so, ask yourself these questions, according to Mininni:

Anxiety: What am I afraid of?
Sadness: What have I lost?
Anger: How have I or my values been attacked?
Happiness: What have I gained?
Coping with Emotions

Once you’ve identified the emotion and its message, the last step is to take action. Ask yourself if there’s anything you can do to solve the situation, Mininni said. If there is, consider what you can do.

For instance, if you’re upset that you can’t find a good job, maybe you can have friends review your resume or hire a professional resume writer. Maybe you can sharpen your interview skills or extend your search a few zip codes.

If there’s nothing you can do, determine how you can cope with the emotion, she said. Mininni suggested meditating, getting social support, writing, exercising and seeking therapy.

Think of these strategies as an emotional toolkit. You simply reach into your kit, and pick out the healthy tool you need, Mininni said. In fact, you can create an actual tote, and pack it with comforting items such as sneakers, your journal, funny films, favorite books and a list of people you’d like to call when you’re upset.

The strategies that work best will vary with each person depending on your personality, physiology and other individual factors, Mininni said. For some people, running works wonders in alleviating anxiety. For others, meditation is better.

Emotions may seem confusing and threatening but applying the above practical and clear-cut approach reveals emotions for what they really are: useful, informative and far from murky.

From bipolar support groups.com

1. Identify the emotion you’re feeling. Identifying a specific emotion can be more difficult than you think. If you are struggling, start with the four basic categories: anxiety, sadness, anger, or happiness. By simply identifying exactly what you’re feeling, you can begin taking the power away from the emotion as you work through what’s causing it. Though your feelings may vary in intensity, most fall into one of these broad categories.[1]
Anxiety often takes the shape of “what if” questions. What if they don’t like me? What if I’m not accepted? Etc.[2]
Sadness tends to happen when we focus on things we cannot change such as death or loss.[3]
Anger is the response after being attacked, such as our values.[4]
Happiness is positive thought often around a gain, such as a compliment from a friend or a reward like a promotion at work.[5]

For many people, emotions are a scary thing. Part of the problem is that we just don’t know what to do with them, according to Darlene Mininni, Ph.D, MPH, author of The Emotional Toolkit.

So we turn to the only strategies we do know. If you’re a man, you might distract yourself by playing video games, tinkering with your tools or drinking alcohol, she said. If you’re a woman, you might shop or eat.

Turning to these tools occasionally is OK, Mininni said. Making them part of your regular coping repertoire, however, is problematic.

Emotions are valuable, and offer a bounty of benefits. Once we’re able to process and cope with them effectively, we can learn a lot about ourselves and our needs, Mininni said. Emotions send us important messages and help us connect with others and accomplish great things, she said.

Using unhealthy strategies can sabotage our relationships, job and even our health, Mininni said. In fact, people who handle stress effectively have healthier immune systems, don’t get sick as often and age up to 16 years more slowly than people who don’t.1

What is an Emotion?

There’s actually no consensus on what an emotion is, Mininni said. She defines emotions as a “full-body experience,” an interplay between our thoughts and physical sensations.

As an illustration, Mininni created the following simple formula:

Thoughts + Body Sensations = Emotion

For instance, a kind of giddy happiness and anxiety have the same sensations, such as tight muscles and a pounding heart. What determines whether we feel happy or anxious are our thoughts.

Decoding Emotions

Mininni created a valuable step-by-step process to help people identify and manage their emotions. The first step is to figure out what you’re feeling – and you just need to choose from four main emotions.

Mininni said that all emotions fall into these categories: anxiety, sadness, anger and happiness. With anxiety, she said, your mind lights up with “What ifs?” What if I lose my job? What if I don’t meet someone? What if I fail my test?

You have thoughts of the future and everything that can go wrong, she said. Your physical sensations include a racing heart, tight muscles and clenched jaw.

With sadness, you have negative thoughts about the past

With anger, your thoughts are focused on how you or your values have been attacked, she said. The physical sensations are similar to anxiety, including a racing heart and tightness in the body.

With happiness, your thoughts are focused on what you’ve gained. Maybe you landed a great job, found a nice apartment or received a compliment. Physically, you feel light or calm, and you might laugh and smile, she said.

The next step is to identify the message of your emotion. To do so, ask yourself these questions, according to Mininni:

Anxiety: What am I afraid of?
Sadness: What have I lost?
Anger: How have I or my values been attacked?
Happiness: What have I gained?
Coping with Emotions

Once you’ve identified the emotion and its message, the last step is to take action. Ask yourself if there’s anything you can do to solve the situation, Mininni said. If there is, consider what you can do.

For instance, if you’re upset that you can’t find a good job, maybe you can have friends review your resume or hire a professional resume writer. Maybe you can sharpen your interview skills or extend your search a few zip codes.

If there’s nothing you can do, determine how you can cope with the emotion, she said. Mininni suggested meditating, getting social support, writing, exercising and seeking therapy.

Think of these strategies as an emotional toolkit. You simply reach into your kit, and pick out the healthy tool you need, Mininni said. In fact, you can create an actual tote, and pack it with comforting items such as sneakers, your journal, funny films, favorite books and a list of people you’d like to call when you’re upset.

The strategies that work best will vary with each person, depending on your personality, physiology and other individual factors, Mininni said. For some people, running works wonders in alleviating anxiety. For others, meditation is better.

Emotions may seem confusing and threatening but applying the above practical and clear-cut approach reveals emotions for what they really are: useful, informative and far from murky.

101 TIPS:

What we think in our minds will eventually become what we believe. This is why it is so important that we start saying positive things about ourselves many times each and every day. Choose two or three of the statements below and repeat them to yourself throughout the day.

I love myself.

The world has a need for me.

I am unique.

I can and I will do things to promote healing in my life.

I can handle this one step at a time.

The sun is shining; I am ready to take on another day.

My problem has a solution; I will work on a plan.

I am a survivor.

I refuse to give up because I haven’t tried all possible ways.

I will inhale confidence and exhale doubt.

I may be one in 7 billion but I am also one in 7 billion!

I am smart.

I believe I can change the world (or at least my corner of it).

I am important.

Today, I will celebrate me.

I matter.

I can find peace through prayer and meditation.

I am strong.

My confidence is beautiful.

I am imperfect but I’m perfectly me.

My smile can make someone feel better.

I choose to focus on what I can control.

Everything will work out in the end. If it hasn’t worked out yet, it’s not the end.

I am happy with who I am.

Every day, in every way, I am becoming better and better.

I am a good person.

I keep going because I believe in myself.

I choose to see the good in the people I interact with today.

It is always too early to give up on my goals.

I can reach out for help if I need it.

I am special; I will not change myself for anyone.

I choose hope.

The answer is right before me, even if I do not see it right now.

I am thankful for…

I choose to take good care of myself.

I accept myself.

I can make a difference.

My past does not define my future, I do.

My life is filled with possibility.

I refuse to be pushed by my problems; I will be led by my dreams.

I am awake and ready to be awesome.

I will focus on my talents; I have things to share with the world.

I choose to have the strength to move on to healthier relationships.

I deserve good things in life.

I release myself from my anger.

I love who I am.

I will allow peace to fill my soul.

Today is a new day; I will see what adventure it holds.

I choose to be proud of myself.

I will do my absolute best in all things.

I will speak kindly to others and to myself.

I choose to be brave and tell others if I need their support.

I have the power to control my reactions to the challenges I will face.

I am becoming healthier each and every day.

I choose to see each obstacle as an opportunity to grow.

I will step out of my comfort zone and try something new today.

I am a success; I can make this a great day.

Note to self: You are amazing.

I can control my breathing.

I will stay calm, it will get better.

I allow myself to forgive; it will allow me to move beyond the pain, to a place of peace.

I choose to make today amazing.

I choose to let the past go and move on to the future.

Today, I will be courageous.

I release all fear from my mind.

I can reach my goals, I am unstoppable.

I am ready to write a new chapter for my life.

I will take the time to notice and be thankful for the little things.

I can write down my thoughts and take control of my emotions.

I am a child of God.

My hard work is already paying off.

I am thankful for life.

I choose to be happy.

I accept the good that is flowing into my life.

I will not allow anxious thoughts to steal my joy.

Today, I forgive myself.

My body knows how to get better; I will listen to it and rest when needed.

I am stronger than my worries.

I’m not the only one who struggles; I choose to be kind to everyone that I meet.

Yesterday was a bad day, not a bad life. Today will be better.

I am braver than I feel.

While I wait for the storm to pass, I will choose to dance in the rain.

I am loved.

I will remember; often difficult roads lead to beautiful destinations.

There is more to life than this moment; I choose to keep moving forward.

I am capable of bringing my dreams to life.

I am okay. I am breathing. I am alive.

I am capable of achieving great things.

I light the world with my smile.

My spirit is beautiful.

I make a difference in the world.

I allow myself to take a break and do something I enjoy.

I can make a difference.

I’m not sure what will happen tomorrow, but I’ll take care of myself so I am strong enough to face it.

I choose to approach my problems with a calm heart and mind.

I trust myself.

I will do my best with whatever comes my way.

I have a purpose that I am fulfilling.

I will listen to that whisper of hope that says, ‘you can do it, try again’.

I can change my life.

I will learn from yesterday, live for today and hope for tomorrow.

The Letting It Out Fallacy

This rests on the belief that people who hurt you or cause you pain should be punished. It often feels good to express anger when you are frustrated and hurting. It helps to discharge the pain. And it functions as a kind of revenge for any perceived injustice.

The underlying belief is that you are not responsible for your pain, someone else is. That person must have done wrong for you to feel so badly. Therefore, he or she deserves every bit of anger you feel like expressing. Maybe he or she will learn to do better in the future.

The problem with this whole line of reasoning is that you are responsible for your pain. And taking care of yourself is always your first responsibility. Pain and pleasure are essentially private experiences. No one else can be held responsible for your private experience. You know it and you feel it. Therefore you are the only one who can be responsible for it. If someone is frustrating or hurting you or causing you pain, your job is either to negotiate for your needs or let go of the relationship.

The second problem with letting it out is that anger destroys relationships. When the object of your anger is to inflict the same degree of hurt that you are feeling on someone else, people begin to erect psychological barriers to protect themselves from you. The tissue of a relationship becomes thickened and scarred. And finally you both become insensitive to pain and pleasure. This is how anger kills love: it make you thick-skinned, untouchable.

The last reason letting it out doesn’t work is that anger rarely gets you what you want. What you want is to be listened to, appreciated, cared for. Anger gets you coldness, withdrawal, and anger in return. Letting it out feels good, but it’s like smoking crack: a five-minute high followed by depression, pain, and emotional bankruptcy.

Exercise: When you are tempted to let it out, first review the positive and negative consequences of using anger with this particular person in the past. Make four columns down a piece of paper. Over two of the columns write “short-term consequences” and over the other two “long-term consequences”. Label the two short-term columns “positive” and “negative”, and the same with long-term columns. Write down all the short and long-term consequences you can think of, both positive and negative. At the end of the exercise, ask yourself this question: “Did anger get me what I wanted?”