Bipolar4LifeSupport

http://www.bipolar4lifesupport.co on line support group

•The sooner you come to terms with your diagnosis and work your treatment plan, the sooner you are on the road to getting back your life
•Get enough sleep and watch your stress level
•Be honest with your doctor- the more he/she knows, the more helpful they can be. If you don’t trust your doctor or believe they are the best at what they do, find another doctor
•Find a positive and encouraging peer support group
•Take your medicine. Push past the side effects. And if the side effects are too much, talk to your doctor. Don’t make decisions regarding your medicine without your doctor’s input and approval.
•Don’t do street drugs. They interfere with the prescribed medicine. Yes, even marijuana does. You certainly won’t get better because of them and they will most likely only impede your recovery.
•Know the difference between a feeling and a mood.
•Know the difference between emotional issues verses the symptoms of bipolar.
•You can live a rich life in spite of this disorder or you can become the victim of it. You get to decide.
•Know that you are not alone.

http://www.bipolar4lifesupport.co On line support group grammer is off!!

must admit focusing on one’s self is not an easy thing to do.

I constantly am preaching to Andrew, ( my son ), about the words we say, simple words, really do not, at any age, give that good intention, or impression that we sometimes are trying to show, exhibit, or be. As we age as well it is the “action”(s) that speak louder than the words! Now meaning with that is sometimes there are too many words to define who, and what we are? I think I have to, or know I do “Stop” as I tell him with the “words” and start the Action of what the words mean.

This may not make sense to you, but, what I am getting at is there are so many characteristics in each one of us and within me, I have been for a couple years, maybe longer saying to myself:

“wow, where did that go?”

When I say “where did that go?” I am meaning a part of me, the action in myself, of how, and what I did, I usually dismiss this and say “we all change” but we do really remain “the same.”

I think for myself I have a fight, and battling is really not a strong suit for me, maybe when I was younger, I could debate, good fight, in word, outward, did not matter!

Once were, or what was there, is still just that, there inside of me, and us, if this applies to you? I am talking about character, I always said “nothing is going to hurt nor touch me the way this or that did” that I think was a lie to myself to get me through perhaps whatever it was at the time, I have come to think that how long am I going to think about what “once was” when I can simply, well maybe not so simply, “dig it out” of me!

I use to define myself, the whole me according to how much, or what I was by titling that with my job. Now without a job for 12 years that Anniversary of January the 1st, I feel, and see, that you do not have to per say make money without a title of, or from a job, you, no one is defined that simply, it is all about for me, the matters of my heart. I am very happy to come to this point, finally, with in myself, but at the same time scared as crap about what I am going to have to face in that mirror, and the work I am going to have to do to, let’s just say to “reinvent” myself, yea, that makes sense to me, I like that!

I am using the word “dig” a lot because once a seed within me, has like turned to “roots”, roots spreading inward, and the blossoming of the petals that once were have stopped, just stopped growing. If I dig, I think, I hope, I will find it eventually with all the work, and the exhaustion of digging, and the faith of anything, doesn’t have to be Religious, just faith within ourselves, or me anyways I can be, or have that “characteristic” ( s ) back to the front of my mind!

The weird thing I use to do, to basically not have to deal with any given situation is to lock it away, strange as that sounds it worked for a very, very long time for me, not anymore. Now that can be of a good thing, or bad, it is all up to me!

The basic point is within myself those things I would “miss”, or say “wow, where did that go” is still here. I have to work to get it out, and that all depends upon, just like anything else, how much do I want it, with me everything, and anything has got to come from my heart. I think, if the passion is there for it, along with the drive, anyone can achieve? In fact, I basically have absolutely no drive without the passion in my heart. I wonder if we are all wired in that same way?

Somehow, I don’t understand how, but that somehow within me changed, no bodies to blame, not even myself, but it was as if I got lost per say inside strange enough that can happen. I come to realize all of the time I took to lock away all the negative aspects in my life in any given situation, relationship, and etc… basically in my mind just blew up.

This is what I would do, and say:

“Okay, where did that come from, this won’t hurt me, they are words, they will only affect me if I allow them too,”

Then to take extra precaution to not get hurt, nor let that back into my life, I would unlock the door that lead to the back of my mind, and open a closet is what I called it, and grab a box, and there were, are many, take the lid off, and put that word ( s ) in that box, put the lid back on it, put it back on the shelf, and quickly “Close and Lock that Door!”
Just simply weird I know, but as they say whatever works, right? I am not that sure that still applies with me anyways!

Like I said though, it worked, we all have so many different coping techniques, mechanisms, no matter what the word, they all mean the same, I would rather simplify my words, and use that extra energy to put those words into “Action.”

I am expressing this here like this, because writing has always helped me,

“Get it on paper Jan, get it out, and it won’t hurt as much.”

Well that is a hunk of BS, cause no matter how much I “want” to deny the fact of being a (highly) sensitive woman, because of what I have been through in childhood, that is just not right, it sounds to me as a excuse of sorts, because we all have a story to tell, what we went through, seen, heard, smelt, etc..

The way my father being, or I should say acting the part of a pillar of strength, kind of made me realize that he was not as strong as perceived to be, and that is okay! Since the genetic components come from my father’s side of the family, and not having a good relationship with him, father daughter, I felt a feeling, I have never felt before for him, compassion!
How hard it must have been to hold all of this, like what I am writing back, stifled it! Now I found myself doing the same thing, and I can tell you first hand along with the help of counseling, and medication that my father did not have, for his own reasons, I don’t know, who am I to judge, was, is exhausting!