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6 Common Depression Traps to Avoid

Expert advice on how to sidestep pitfalls that often accompany depression.

WebMD Feature

By Jennifer Soong

Reviewed By Louise Chang, MD

When Orion Lyonesse is getting depressed, she turns into a hermit. She doesn’t want to leave the house (not even to pick up the mail), and she cuts off contact with her friends and family.

“The more I’m alone, the deeper the depression gets,” Lyonesse, an artist and writer in Lake Stevens, Wash., tells WebMD in an email. “I don’t even want to cuddle my cats!”

Avoiding social contact is a common pattern you might notice when falling into depression. Some people skip activities they normally enjoy and isolate themselves from the world. Others turn to alcohol or junk food to mask their pain and unhappiness.

Depression traps vary from person to person, but what they have in common is that they can serve to worsen your mood, perpetuating a vicious cycle. Here are six behavioral pitfalls that often accompany depression — and how you can steer clear of them as you and your doctor or therapist work on getting back on track.

Trap #1: Social Withdrawal

Social withdrawal is the most common telltale sign of depression.

“When we’re clinically depressed, there’s a very strong urge to pull away from others and to shut down,” says Stephen Ilardi, PhD, author of books including The Depression Cure and associate professor of psychology at the University of Kansas. “It turns out to be the exact opposite of what we need.”

“In depression, social isolation typically serves to worsen the illness and how we feel,” Ilardi says. “Social withdrawal amplifies the brain’s stress response. Social contact helps put the brakes on it.”

The Fix: Gradually counteract social withdrawal by reaching out to your friends and family. Make a list of the people in your life you want to reconnect with and start by scheduling an activity.

Trap #2: Rumination

A major component of depression is rumination, which involves dwelling and brooding about themes like loss and failure that cause you to feel worse about yourself.

Rumination is a toxic process that leads to negative self-talk such as, “It’s my own fault. Who would ever want me a friend?”

“There’s a saying, ‘When you’re in your own mind, you’re in enemy territory,'” says Mark Goulston, MD, psychiatrist and author of Get Out of Your Own Way. “You leave yourself open to those thoughts and the danger is believing them.”

Rumination can also cause you to interpret neutral events in a negative fashion. For example, when you’re buying groceries, you may notice that the checkout person smiles at the person in front of you but doesn’t smile at you, so you perceive it as a slight.

“When people are clinically depressed, they will typically spend a lot of time and energy rehearsing negative thoughts, often for long stretches of time,” Ilardi says.

The Fix: Redirect your attention to a more absorbing activity, like a social engagement or reading a book.

Give children unconditional love.

Love, security, and acceptance should be at the heart of family life. Children need to know that your love does not depend on his or her accomplishments.

Mistakes and/or defeats should be expected and accepted. Confidence grows in a home that is full of unconditional love and affection.

Nurture children’s confidence and self-esteem.

􀂃 Praise Them – Your attention helps build their self-confidence and self-esteem.

􀂃 Set Realistic Goals – Young children need realistic goals that match their ambitions with their abilities. With your help, older children can choose activities that test their abilities and increase their self-confidence.

􀂃 Be Honest – Do not hide your failures from your children. It can be very re-assuring to know that adults are not perfect.

􀂃 Avoid Sarcastic Remarks

􀂃 Encourage children – To not only strive to do their best, but also to enjoy the process.

Encourage Children to Play

To children, play is just fun. However, playtime is as important to their development as food and good care. Playtime helps children be creative, learn problem-solving skills and learn self-control. Good, hardy play, which includes running and yelling, is not only fun, but helps children to be physically and mentally healthy.

Play for fun. Winning is not as important as being involved and enjoying the activity. One of the most important questions to ask children is “Did you have fun?’’ not “Did you win?”

In our goal-oriented society, we often acknowledge only success and winning. This attitude can be discouraging and frustrating to children who are learning and experimenting with new activities. It’s more important for children to participate and enjoy themselves.

Provide appropriate guidance and instructive discipline

Children need the opportunity to explore and develop new skills and independence. At the same time, children need to learn that certain behaviors are unacceptable and that they are responsible for the consequences of their actions.

As members of a family, children need to learn the rules of the family unit. Offer guidance and discipline that is fair and consistent. They will take these social skills and rules of conduct to school and eventually to the workplace.

Provide a safe and secure home.

It’s okay for children to feel afraid sometimes. Everyone is afraid of something at some point in their life. Fear and anxiety grow out of experiences that we do not understand.

If your children have fears that will not go away and affect his or her behavior, the first step is to find out what is frightening them. Be loving, patient, and reassuring, not critical. Remember: the fear may be very real to the child.

When to seek help

Parents and family members are usually the first to notice if a child has problems with emotions or behavior. Your observations with those of teachers and other caregivers may lead you to seek help for your child. If you suspect a problem or have questions, consult your pediatrician or contact a mental health professional.

Warning Signs

The following signs may indicate the need for professional assistance or evaluation:

􀂃 Decline in school performance

􀂃 Poor grades despite strong efforts

􀂃 Regular worry or anxiety

􀂃 Repeated refusal to go to school or take part in normal children’s activities

􀂃 Hyperactivity or fidgeting

􀂃 Persistent nightmares

􀂃 Persistent disobedience or aggression

􀂃 Frequent temper tantrums

􀂃 Depression, sadness or irritability
　

Where to seek help

Information and referrals regarding the types of services that are available for children may be obtained from:

􀂃 Mental health organizations, hotlines and libraries

􀂃 Other professionals such as the child’s pediatrician or school counselor

􀂃 Other families in the community

􀂃 Family network organizations

􀂃 Community-based psychiatric clinic
　

For more information, contact the Mental Health Association of East Tennessee at (865) 584-9125.