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Sometimes when that urge to self harm arises, it can be extremely difficult to fight, and that’s completely normal. Everyone is different, everyone self harms for different reasons, and in the same way, everyone will have different alternatives and distractions that may work for them. One thing may work for one person, and may not necessarily work for another. There will be times where something that has worked before, may not work for you in that moment.

Many of you have offered a number of strategies that work for you, so we thought it would be helpful to put these into one place.

– Scribble or draw something, perhaps how you are feeling
– Splatter paint onto paper
– Write down your feelings – sometimes it helps to get out how you’re feeling, and see it on paper. You can even rip this up after you are done.
– Knitting
– Write a letter to someone or yourself and don’t send it. This could even be a positive letter to your younger self
– Create a scrap book
– Write three positive statements about yourself
– Make a positive jar, where you write down positive things about yourself, words of encouragement or any positive memories you have, and then when you are having a low day or the urge to self harm, you can take them out of the jar and read through them.

– Punch a pillow/something soft
– Scream outloud or into a cushion
– Rip pages out of an old book or rip up paper
– Exercise
– Go for a walk
– Snapping twigs
– Hitting a rolled up piece of newspaper against a door frame
– Play with playdough/plasticine or roll it around in your hands
– Listen to music
– Sing at the top of your voice
– Dance around to a song
– Watch a film you love or spend some time on youtube watching some of your favourite video clips
– Read a book
– Talk to someone
– Make yourself busy and tidy your room
– Rubix cube
– Baking
– Play a game on your phone/console or computer
– Eat your favourite food
– Blowing bubbles
– Online shopping – you don’t need to buy anything, but could just have a browse
– Repetitive/therapuetic tasks such as washing up, something where you keep your hands busy

– Wrap the part you harm and sleep it off
– Drawing on yourself where you want to harm could work for you, drawing in red will also give the impression of blood
– Holding, squeezing or rubbing ice where you want to harm can give the same kind of sensation
– Have a nice and relaxing bubble bath
– Having a rubber band around your wrist can always be an alternative, pinging it against yourself when having the urge to self harm.

Make a Distraction Box!

In a distraction box, you can put any of these things mentioned above in it, and all sorts of things that make you smile. This could be photos of places you’ve been or people you love. A blanket, your favourite chocolate bar, favourite film or book, lots of creative bits and bobs…. It’s totally up to you! You could add in phone numbers of people you could call, or helplines.

If you are feeling suicidal now, please stop long enough to read this. It will only take about five minutes. I do not want to talk you out of your bad feelings. I am not a therapist or other mental health professional – only someone who knows what it is like to be in pain.

I don’t know who you are, or why you are reading this page. I only know that for the moment, you’re reading it, and that is good. I can assume that you are here because you are troubled and considering ending your life. If it were possible, I would prefer to be there with you at this moment, to sit with you and talk, face to face and heart to heart. But since that is not possible, we will have to make do with this.

I have known a lot of people who have wanted to kill themselves, so I have some small idea of what you might be feeling. I know that you might not be up to reading a long book, so I am going to keep this short. While we are together here for the next five minutes, I have five simple, practical things I would like to share with you. I won’t argue with you about whether you should kill yourself. But I assume that if you are thinking about it, you feel pretty bad.

Well, you’re still reading, and that’s very good. I’d like to ask you to stay with me for the rest of this page. I hope it means that you’re at least a tiny bit unsure, somewhere deep inside, about whether or not you really will end your life. Often people feel that, even in the deepest darkness of despair. Being unsure about dying is okay and normal. The fact that you are still alive at this minute means you are still a little bit unsure. It means that even while you want to die, at the same time some part of you still wants to live. So let’s hang on to that, and keep going for a few more minutes.

Start by considering this statement:

Suicide is not chosen; it happens
when pain exceeds 
resources for coping with pain.

That’s all it’s about. You are not a bad person, or crazy, or weak, or flawed, because you feel suicidal. It doesn’t even mean that you really want to die – it only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right now. If I start piling weights on your shoulders, you will eventually collapse if I add enough weights… no matter how much you want to remain standing. Willpower has nothing to do with it. Of course you would cheer yourself up, if you could.

Don’t accept it if someone tells you, “That’s not enough to be suicidal about.” There are many kinds of pain that may lead to suicide. Whether or not the pain is bearable may differ from person to person. What might be bearable to someone else, may not be bearable to you. The point at which the pain becomes unbearable depends on what kinds of coping resources you have. Individuals vary greatly in their capacity to withstand pain.

When pain exceeds pain-coping resources, suicidal feelings are the result. Suicide is neither wrong nor right; it is not a defect of character; it is morally neutral. It is simply an imbalance of pain versus coping resources.

You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things: (1) find a way to reduce your pain, or (2) find a way to increase your coping resources. Both are possible.

Now I want to share with you five things to think about…

1 
You need to hear that people do get through this — even people who feel as badly as you are feeling now. Statistically, there is a very good chance that you are going to live. I hope that this information gives you some sense of hope.

2 
Give yourself some distance. Say to yourself, “I will wait 24 hours before I do anything.” Or a week. Remember that feelings and actions are two different things – just because you feel like killing yourself, doesn’t mean that you have to actually do it right this minute. Put some distance between your suicidal feelings and suicidal action. Even if it’s just 24 hours. You have already done it for 5 minutes, just by reading this page. You can do it for another 5 minutes by continuing to read this page. Keep going, and realize that while you still feel suicidal, you are not, at this moment, acting on it. That is very encouraging to me, and I hope it is to you.

3 
People often turn to suicide because they are seeking relief from pain. Remember that relief is a feeling. And you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead.

4 
Some people will react badly to your suicidal feelings, either because they are frightened, or angry; they may actually increase your pain instead of helping you, despite their intentions, by saying or doing thoughtless things. You have to understand that their bad reactions are about their fears, not about you.

But there are people out there who can be with you in this horrible time, and will not judge you, or argue with you, or send you to a hospital, or try to talk you out of how badly you feel. They will simply care for you. Find one of them. Now. Use your 24 hours, or your week, and tell someone what’s going on with you. It is okay to ask for help. Try:

Send an anonymous e-mail to The Samaritans
Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 (TTY:1-800-799-4TTY)
(In Australia, call Lifeline Australia at telephone: 13 11 14
Teenagers, call Covenant House NineLine, 1-800-999-9999
Look in the front of your phone book for a crisis line
Call a psychotherapist
Carefully choose a friend or a minister or rabbi, someone who is likely to listen
But don’t give yourself the additional burden of trying to deal with this alone. Just talking about how you got to where you are, releases an awful lot of the pressure, and it might be just the additional coping resource you need to regain your balance.

5 
Suicidal feelings are, in and of themselves, traumatic. After they subside, you need to continue caring for yourself. Therapy is a really good idea. So are the various self-help groups available both in your community and on the Internet.

Well, it’s been a few minutes and you’re still with me. I’m really glad.

Since you have made it this far, you deserve a reward. I think you should reward yourself by giving yourself a gift. The gift you will give yourself is a coping resource. Remember, back up near the top of the page, I said that the idea is to make sure you have more coping resources than you have pain. So let’s give you another coping resource, or two, or ten…! until they outnumber your sources of pain.

Now, while this page may have given you some small relief, the best coping resource we can give you is another human being to talk with. If you find someone who wants to listen, and tell them how you are feeling and how you got to this point, you will have increased your coping resources by one. Hopefully the first person you choose won’t be the last. There are a lot of people out there who really want to hear from you. It’s time to start looking around for one of them.

Now: I’d like you to call someone.

And while you’re at it, you can still stay with me for a bit. Check out these sources of online help.

Additional things to read:

How serious is our condition? …”He only took 15 pills, he wasn’t really serious…” if others are making you feel like you’re just trying to get attention… read this.

Why is it so hard for us to recover from being suicidal? …while most suicidal people recover and go on, others struggle with suicidal thoughts and feelings for months or even years. Suicide and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Recovery from grief and loss …has anyone significant in your life recently died? You would be in good company… many suicidal people have recently suffered a loss.

The stigma of suicide that prevents suicidal people from recovering: we are not only fighting our own pain, but the pain that others inflict on us… and that we ourselves add to. Stigma is a huge complicating factor in suicidal feelings.

Resources about depression …if you are suicidal, you are most likely experiencing some form of depression. This is good news, because depression can be treated, helping you feel better.

A 4 minute depression quiz …maybe you have depression and want to find out right now, scientifically, at no cost.

Depression symptoms …the specific symptoms of a full blown episode of clinical depression

Bipolar symptoms …the specific symptoms of a full blown episode of bipolar disorder, which includes mania (highs) and the lows of depression

Do you know someone who is suicidal… or would you like to be able to help, if the situation arises? Learn what to do, so that you can make the situation better, not worse.

Handling a call from a suicidal person …a very helpful ten-point list that you can print out and keep near your phone or computer.

What can I do to help someone who may be suicidal? …a helpful guide, includes Suicide Warning Signs.

Other online sources of help:
The Samaritans – trained volunteers are available 24 hours a day to listen and provide emotional support. You can call a volunteer on the phone, or e-mail them. Confidential and non-judgmental. Short of writing to a psychotherapist, the best source of online help.

Talk to a therapist online – Read this page to find out how.

Depression support group online: Psych Central Depression Support Group – Please note: this is a very big group, but amidst all the chatter, it is possible to find someone who will hear you and offer support.

Psych Central has a good listing of online resources for suicide – and other mental health needs.

Still feel bad? These jokes might relieve the pressure for a minute or two.

If you want help finding a human being to talk with in person, who can help you live through this, try reading this article about how to Choose a Competent Counselor.

Sometimes people need additional private help before they are ready to talk with someone in person. Here are a few books you could read on your own in private. I know from personal experience that each one has helped someone like you.

Suicide: The Forever Decision by Paul G. Quinnett, PhD (Continuum, ISBN 0-8264-0391-3). Frank and helpful conversation with a therapist who cares.

Choosing to Live: how to defeat suicide through cognitive therapy by Thomas E. Ellis PsyD and Cory F. Newman PhD (New Harbinger Publications, ISBN 1-57224-056-3). Another conversational book with practical help for suicidal persons.

How I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying to Kill Me: One Person’s Guide to Suicide Prevention by Susan Rose Blauner (William Morrow, ISBN 0066211212). A very practical survival guide by an actual survivor.

Out of the Nightmare: Recovery From Depression And Suicidal Pain, by David L. Conroy, PhD (Authors Choice Press, ISBN 0595414974). As if suicidal persons weren’t feeling bad enough already, our thoughtless attitudes can cause them to feel guilt and shame, and keep them from getting help in time. Dr. Conroy blasts apart the myths of suicide, and looks at suicidal feelings from the inside, in a down to earth, non-judgmental way. This is a book that will save lives by washing away the stigma of suicide and opening the door to a real way out of the nightmare.

Suicide: The Forever Decision, Paul G. Quinnett, PhD Choosing to Live, Thomas E. Ellis PsyD How I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying to Kill Me Out of the Nightmare, David L. Conroy, PhD
I make no money whatsoever on recommending these books… they are simply recommendations.

Want to share your suicide story? 
Please visit the Suicide Project and leave your story

Have feedback? Please write us 

24,832,235 visitors

This page is provided as a public service by Metanoia, and is dedicated with gratitude to David Conroy, Ph.D. whose work inspired it. Metanoia cannot provide counseling to suicidal persons. If you need help please use the resources outlined above.

© Copyright 1995-2002 Martha Ainsworth. All rights reserved. Reprints: Please feel free to link to this page. Please do not reproduce this page on the Internet; you may link to it instead. You may reproduce this page in print media for non-commercial, non-profit use only, if you meet the following three conditions: (1) you must use the full text without alteration up to and including the words “Now: I’d like you to call someone.”; (2) please consider making a donation to The Samaritans (see above); and (3) you must print the following notice verbatim: “Reprinted with permission. Suicide: Read This First (http://www.metanoia.org/suicide) was written by Martha Ainsworth based on work by David Conroy, Ph.D. To talk with a caring listener about your suicidal feelings, in the U.S. call 1-800-SUICIDE any time, day or night. Online, send an anonymous e-mail to jo@samaritans.org for confidential and non-judgmental help, or visit www.samaritans.org.”

The original white on black suicide – read this first page is here.

Site Index:
Return to Suicide: Read This First
How serious is our condition?
Why is it so hard for us to recover from being suicidal?
Recovery from grief and loss for suicidal persons
The stigma of suicide that keeps us from getting help
Online depression resources for suicidal persons
Handling a call from a suicidal person
Nine ways to help a suicidal person; and Suicide Warning Signs

This resource is hosted by mental health information at Psych Central.

How to Get Help

GET IMMEDIATE HELP:

Emergency Medical Services – 911 If the situation is potentially life-threatening, get “Immediate “Emergency Assistance” by CALLING 911, available 24 hours a day.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK(8255)
Get general information on Mental Health and locate Treatment Services in your area. Speak to a live person, Monday through Friday from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. EST. or
Live Online Chat @
https://www.mentalhealth.gov/get-help/i … index.html
The Support Team….

For many people, emotions are a scary thing. Part of the problem is that we just don’t know what to do with them, according to Darlene Mininni, Ph.D, MPH, author of The Emotional Toolkit.

So we turn to the only strategies we do know. If you’re a man, you might distract yourself by playing video games, tinkering with your tools or drinking alcohol, she said. If you’re a woman, you might shop or eat.

Turning to these tools occasionally is OK, Mininni said. Making them part of your regular coping repertoire, however, is problematic.

Emotions are valuable, and offer a bounty of benefits. Once we’re able to process and cope with them effectively, we can learn a lot about ourselves and our needs, Mininni said. Emotions send us important messages and help us connect with others and accomplish great things, she said.

Using unhealthy strategies can sabotage our relationships, job and even our health, Mininni said. In fact, people who handle stress effectively have healthier immune systems, don’t get sick as often and age up to 16 years more slowly than people who don’t.1

What is an Emotion?

There’s actually no consensus on what an emotion is, Mininni said. She defines emotions as a “full-body experience,” an interplay between our thoughts and physical sensations.

As an illustration, Mininni created the following simple formula:

Thoughts + Body Sensations = Emotion

For instance, a kind of giddy happiness and anxiety have the same sensations, such as tight muscles and a pounding heart. What determines whether we feel happy or anxious are our thoughts.

Decoding Emotions

Mininni created a valuable step-by-step process to help people identify and manage their emotions. The first step is to figure out what you’re feeling – and you just need to choose from four main emotions.

Mininni said that all emotions fall into these categories: anxiety, sadness, anger and happiness. With anxiety, she said, your mind lights up with “What ifs?” What if I lose my job? What if I don’t meet someone? What if I fail my test?

You have thoughts of the future and everything that can go wrong, she said. Your physical sensations include a racing heart, tight muscles and clenched jaw.

With sadness, you have negative thoughts about the past. You feel tired and heavy; you might cry and have trouble concentrating, she said.

With anger, your thoughts are focused on how you or your values have been attacked, she said. The physical sensations are similar to anxiety, including a racing heart and tightness in the body.

With happiness, your thoughts are focused on what you’ve gained. Maybe you landed a great job, found a nice apartment or received a compliment. Physically, you feel light or calm, and you might laugh and smile, she said.

The next step is to identify the message of your emotion. To do so, ask yourself these questions, according to Mininni:

Anxiety: What am I afraid of?
Sadness: What have I lost?
Anger: How have I or my values been attacked?
Happiness: What have I gained?
Coping with Emotions

Once you’ve identified the emotion and its message, the last step is to take action. Ask yourself if there’s anything you can do to solve the situation, Mininni said. If there is, consider what you can do.

For instance, if you’re upset that you can’t find a good job, maybe you can have friends review your resume or hire a professional resume writer. Maybe you can sharpen your interview skills or extend your search a few zip codes.

If there’s nothing you can do, determine how you can cope with the emotion, she said. Mininni suggested meditating, getting social support,writing, receiving therapy.

Think of these strategies as an emotional toolkit. You simply reach into your kit, and pick out the healthy tool you need, Mininni said. In fact, you can create an actual tote, and pack it with comforting items such as sneakers, your journal, funny films, favorite books and a list of people you’d like to call when you’re upset.

The strategies that work best will vary with each person, depending on your personality, physiology and other individual factors, Mininni said. For some people, running works wonders in alleviating anxiety. For others, meditation is better.

Emotions may seem confusing and threatening but applying the above practical and clear-cut approach reveals emotions for what they really are: useful, informative and far from murky.

Self affirmation can help stop the viscous circle of self destruction. It takes practice and determination. It does not occur overnight, or even in a week. Self affirmation does work, however, if you are diligent!

Self affirmation is you telling yourself positive things about yourself, making sure that you impart the same caring for yourself that you would provide for another.

Repeat affirmations to yourself each and every day, and each and every time your “dragon” attacks you with a negative thought. If you make this a constant habit, you will not only be able to battle the “dragon”…you will begin living the words you are telling yourself and truly believing in yourself!

Here’s a few examples of daily affirmations that you can start with.

bullet 
I love unconditionally, as well as myself. (This one especially good for those “bad hair” days, or when our dragon is tearing us down for our appearance.)

bullet 
I look for the unique gifts in people, as well as myself. (This one is good for those “should haves” and “should not haves”)

bullet 
I am worthy of respect, as well as from myself. (We would never say the same things to others that we “tell” ourselves, it’s time to break this cycle!)

bullet 
I am kind to people, as well as myself. (This goes hand in hand with the respect issue)

bullet 
I am forgiving, as well as to myself. (How often do we relentlessly beat ourselves up for a mistake?)

bullet 
I appreciate what I DO have, so I don’t need to waste time being upset over what I don’t have. (Practice writing down at least 5 things you are grateful for. 5 too many? Make it 3)

When you practice affirmations daily, you will be able to add more of your own, ones that fit your personality and situation better.

When the “dragon” rears it’s ugly head upon you, remember to go back to the first affirmation…I love unconditionally, as well as myself. Repeat this over and over, the “dragon” will not give up so easily…neither “should” you!!!

If you aren’t in the moment,
you are either looking forward to uncertainty,
or back to pain and regret.
– Jim Carrey PHOTO

We hold the power to make things happen
through our intent –
to the extent that we use our intention
with compassion and without ego.
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Understand that the right to
choose your own path
is a sacred privilege.
Use it.
Dwell in possibility.
– Oprah Winfrey

MINDFULNESS VS. MEDITATION

Though the words are sometimes used interchangeably, it’s useful to draw a distinction between mindfulness and meditation.

Mindfulness is a quality of being — the experience of being open and aware in the present moment, without reflexive judgment, automatic criticism or mind wandering.

Mindfulness meditation is the practice of actually being present in the moment, which in turn trains us to become more mindful throughout the day, particularly during difficult situations.

As Ms. Brach puts it: “Mindfulness is your awareness of what’s going on in the present moment without any judgment. Meditation is the training of attention which cultivates that mindfulness.”

Mindfulness meditation isn’t the only way to meditate. Transcendental Meditation, which aims to promote a state of relaxed awareness through the recitation of a mantra, is also popular these days. But in this guide, we’re focused on mindfulness, which is increasingly popular and easy to learn.

Where there is great love,
there are always miracles.
– Willa Cather

Everything is a miracle,
not just the beautiful and lovely things.
– Anonymous

The beauty does not live out there;
the beauty’s in my eyes.
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie