Breaking bad habits

Your net worth to the world is usually determined by what remains after your bad habits are subtracted from your good ones.– Benjamin Franklin, American inventor and politician

Do you have any habits that could harm your work or career? Maybe you check your email when you’re in meetings, turn up late to client visits, or take personal phone calls when you’re supposed to be focusing on your work. You might even let habits like watching too much television or excessive Internet surfing stop you working on learning goals in the evenings and at weekends.

Bad habits like these can damage reputations and limit what’s possible in our lives and careers, so it’s important that we learn how to deal with them.

In this article, we’ll look at bad habits in more detail: we’ll explore why certain behaviors become habits in the first place, and we’ll show you how you can overcome them.

Habits Defined

A habit is an acquired behavior or thought pattern that you have repeated so many times that it has become almost unconscious. As you likely already know, habits can be both helpful and harmful.

Habits are beneficial because they’re automatic. We engage in habits without thinking, which frees our brains up to focus on other things. When we have good habits, like arriving at work on time or being optimistic, we create a positive, ingrained forward motion that we don’t have to think about. We can then use our energy to focus on things that need our special attention.

However, the same is true of bad habits. We engage in these behaviors without much thought, and they can damage our personal lives and careers without us being aware of them.

There are many bad habits that can negatively affect us in our careers. Here are some examples:

Note:

Remember that whether or not a habit is a “bad” habit depends on the context. For example, perfectionism can be a good habit in jobs where safety is important.

Why Bad Habits are Hard to Break

The main reason that bad habits are hard to break is down to what researchers call our “cognitive script” – these are the unconscious, automatic thoughts that we have when we encounter a situation.

These unconscious thoughts are based on previous experiences. So, if the situation is one that we’ve encountered many times before, we engage in ingrained behaviors without thinking about what we’re doing. Our actions have become habitual.

Much of the time, bad habits are also hard to break simply because they begin as enjoyable activities, which we want to repeat. (For example, we might enjoy surfing the net instead of working, or sending emails from our smartphones during meetings.)

This is because, when we do pleasurable things, our brains release dopamine, a chemical that activates the brain’s reward center. This encourages us to do those things again, and the activity becomes a habit.

Strategies for Overcoming Bad Habits

You can break bad habits and, in some cases, replace them with positive behaviors. Unfortunately this takes time; research shows that, on average, you’ll need to engage in an alternative behavior or thought pattern consistently for an average of 66 days for it to become a habit. (This can vary from 18 to 254 days, depending on the behavior and the person.)

This can seem overwhelming. But stop and think about the last time you kicked a bad habit for good. It felt great, didn’t it? Remember, your bad habit could be damaging your reputation and career, and it’s well worth putting in time and effort in to overcome it.

Keep in mind that there isn’t a “one size fits all” approach to bad habits. You’ll likely need a combination of strategies to be successful!

Use the strategies below to overcome your habits.

Create a Plan

Studies show that having a conscious plan helps you get started with overcoming bad habits. You can’t just say “I’m going to stop wasting time surfing the Internet” and expect to succeed. You have to come up with a concrete plan to make this happen.

A good way to do this is to incorporate habit-breaking into your personal goals . This helps you ensure that you review your progress on a regular basis, and work on your most damaging habits first.

Once you’ve come up with a plan, add prompts and milestones into your To-Do List orAction Program as a reminder of what you want to achieve.

Develop Self-Discipline and Self-Awareness

Studies have also found that constant self-vigilance is necessary to break a bad habit. This means watching yourself for slip-ups, and reminding yourself why you want to break the habit in the first place.

To do this, work on your self-discipline and willpower, so that you can develop the persistence and motivation you need in order to stop the behavior.

Also build self-awareness to stay aware of how you are thinking and feeling. (Self-awareness is also key to recognizing your bad habits in the first place.)

Tip 1:

You can find out more about using willpower in our article on Self-Mastery .

Tip 2:

For many of us, self-discipline and willpower come in short bursts, and may be stronger when we first decide to make a change. Therefore, don’t rely on these approaches alone to break your bad habits.

Choose the Right Approach

Some people find it effective to quit a behavior all at once, while others have more success limiting the behavior slowly over time. As such, it’s important to find an approach that works well for you. (This will probably depend on the type of habit you’re trying to break.)

To use the Internet example, instead of going “cold turkey,” you could limit yourself to five minutes of surfing every hour. Then at weekly intervals, you could cut this down to five minutes every two hours, five minutes every three hours, and so on.

Put Obstacles in Place

In his 2010 book, “The Happiness Advantage,” positive psychologist Shawn Achor says that you can break bad habits by putting obstacles in place that stop you from carrying out the behavior.

For example, if one of your bad habits is to check Twitter when you should be working, you could disconnect from the Internet by using software applications such as Freedom andAnti-Social to block access to it; or move desks, so that people who are passing can see your computer screen.

You also need to avoid the people, places, or situations that trigger the bad habit, if this is appropriate.

For instance, imagine that you’re trying to stop gossiping at work. You know that you engage in the behavior during lunch with a specific group of colleagues, so you resolve to avoid the break room, and, instead, eat lunch outside or at your desk.

Engage in Positive Behaviors

Often, you can break bad habits by replacing them with positive behaviors.

For example, let’s say that you want to stop criticizing team members. One way to avoid this would be to make a conscious effort to praise people instead.

Or, imagine that your goal is to stop checking your email in sales meetings. You could replace this by taking detailed notes on what’s being discussed, or by offering to chair the meeting.

Reward Yourself

To break a bad habit, it’s helpful to reward yourself for engaging in the positive behavior.

The reason rewards are important is because when you stop the old behavior you won’t get that all-important dopamine surge; however, the reward will give it instead. Over time, your brain will start to associate this new, positive behavior with the dopamine surge coming from the reward.

How you reward yourself is up to you, but make sure that it’s something that you truly want and will enjoy. For example, if you’re trying to stop being late, your reward for arriving at work on time could be a gourmet coffee. Then, after a week of arriving on time, you could treat yourself to brunch at your favorite café.

Rewards will do the most good if you give them instantly or on the same day that you demonstrate the “good” behavior. You’ll likely only need the rewards you set for yourself for a few weeks; once you’ve established the positive behavior, you won’t need to reward yourself as often.

Involve Others

Finally, consider asking people such as your colleagues, family members, and friends to help you break your bad habits.

Share your goals with them, and ask them to tell you if you slip back into your old ways. This will provide further accountability, and boost your motivation.

Infographic

Click on the thumbnail image below to see our infographic based on this article:

breaking-bad-habits-infographic

Key Points

A habit is any behavior or thought pattern that you have repeated so often that it becomes automatic.

Some habits are positive and can help you achieve success in your life and career. However, bad habits can severely limit what you accomplish.

To break a bad habit, first commit to stopping the behavior by creating a plan, and develop self-discipline and self-awareness so that you can stay on track.

Also, choose the right approach for dealing with it, reward yourself when you do well, and involve others in your efforts.

Posted in Coping mechanisms | Leave a comment

Anger management: Your questions answered

Anger itself isn’t a problem — it’s how you handle it. Consider the nature of anger, as well as how to manage anger and what to do when you’re confronted by someone whose anger is out of control.

What is anger?

Anger is a natural response to perceived threats. It causes your body to release adrenaline, your muscles to tighten, and your heart rate and blood pressure to increase. Your senses might feel more acute and your face and hands flushed.

However, anger becomes a problem only when you don’t manage it in a healthy way.

So it’s not ‘bad’ to feel angry?

Being angry isn’t always a bad thing. Being angry can help you share your concerns. It can prevent others from walking all over you. It can motivate you to do something positive. The key is managing your anger in a healthy way.

What causes people to get angry?

There are many common triggers for anger, such as losing your patience, feeling as if your opinion or efforts aren’t appreciated, and injustice. Other causes of anger include memories of traumatic or enraging events and worrying about personal problems.

You also have unique anger triggers, based on what you were taught to expect from yourself, others and the world around you. Your personal history feeds your reactions to anger, too. For example, if you weren’t taught how to express anger appropriately, your frustrations might simmer and make you miserable, or build up until you explode in an angry outburst.

In other cases, changes in brain chemistry or underlying medical conditions can contribute to angry outbursts.

What’s the best way to handle anger?

When you’re angry, you can deal with your feelings through:

  • Expression. This is the act of conveying your anger. Expression ranges from a reasonable, rational discussion to a violent outburst.
  • Suppression. This is an attempt to hold in your anger and possibly convert it into more constructive behavior. Suppressing anger, however, can cause you to turn your anger inward on yourself or express your anger through passive-aggressive behavior.
  • Calming down. This is when you control your outward behavior and your internal responses by calming yourself and letting your feelings subside.

Ideally, you’ll choose constructive expression — stating your concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them.

Can anger harm your health?

Some research suggests that inappropriately expressing anger — such as keeping anger pent up — can be harmful to your health. Such responses might aggravate chronic pain or lead to sleep difficulties or digestive problems. There’s even some evidence that anger and hostility is linked with heart disease.

When is professional help needed?

Learning to control anger is a challenge for everyone at times. Consider seeking help for anger issues if your anger seems out of control, causes you to do things you regret, hurts those around you or is taking a toll on your personal relationships.

Last updated: April 13th, 2014

Posted in Coping mechanisms | Leave a comment

Mental health: What’s normal, what’s not

What’s the difference between mental health and mental illness? Sometimes the answer is clear, but often the distinction between mental health and mental illness isn’t so obvious. For example, if you’re afraid of giving a speech in public, does it mean you have a mental health condition or a run-of-the-mill case of nerves? Or, when does shyness become a case of social phobia?

Here’s help understanding how mental health conditions are identified.

Why is it so tough to tell what’s normal?

It’s often difficult to distinguish normal mental health from mental illness because there’s no easy test to show if something’s wrong. Also, primary mental health conditions can be mimicked by physical disorders. Mental health conditions are judged not to be due to a physical disorder and are diagnosed and treated based on signs and symptoms, as well as on how much the condition affects your daily life. Signs and symptoms can affect your:

  • Behavior. Obsessive hand-washing or drinking too much alcohol might be signs of a mental health condition.
  • Feelings. Sometimes a mental health condition is characterized by a deep or ongoing sadness, euphoria or anger.
  • Thinking. Delusions — fixed beliefs that are not changeable in light of conflicting evidence — or thoughts of suicide might be symptoms of a mental health condition.

What is the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM)?

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) is a guide published by the American Psychiatric Association that explains the signs and symptoms of several hundred mental health conditions.

Mental health providers use the DSM to diagnose everything from anorexia to voyeurism and, if necessary, determine appropriate treatment. Health insurance companies also use the DSM to determine coverage and benefits and to reimburse mental health providers.

How do mental health providers diagnose mental health conditions?

To determine if you have a mental health condition, a mental health provider will work with you and your loved ones to assess:

  • Your symptoms. Your mental health provider will ask about your symptoms, when they began and how they’ve affected your life. How you perceive your thoughts and behaviors and how much your signs and symptoms affect your daily activities can help determine what’s normal for you. For instance, you might realize that you aren’t coping well or that you don’t want to do the things you used to enjoy. You might feel sad, hopeless or discouraged. If your sadness has a specific cause, such as divorce, your feelings could be a normal, temporary reaction. However, if you have symptoms that are severe or don’t go away, you could have depression. You might also need to have a physical exam to rule out any underlying health conditions.
  • Others’ perceptions. Your perceptions alone might not give you an accurate picture of your behavior, thoughts or ability to function. Other people in your life can help you understand whether your behavior is normal or healthy. For example, if you have bipolar disorder, you might think your mood swings are just part of the normal ups and downs of life. Your thoughts and actions, however, might appear abnormal to others or cause problems at work, in relationships or in other areas of your life.

When is an evaluation or treatment needed?

Each mental health condition has its own set of signs and symptoms. In general, however, professional help may be warranted if you or a loved one experiences:

  • Marked change in personality, eating or sleeping patterns
  • Inability to cope with problems or daily activities
  • Strange or grandiose ideas
  • Excessive anxiety
  • Prolonged depression or apathy
  • Thinking or talking about suicide
  • Substance abuse
  • Extreme mood swings or excessive anger, hostility or violent behavior

Many people who have mental health conditions consider their signs and symptoms a normal part of life or avoid treatment out of shame or fear. If you’re concerned about your mental health or a loved one’s mental health, don’t hesitate to seek advice.

Consult your family doctor, make an appointment with a counselor or psychologist, or encourage your loved one to seek help. With appropriate support, you can identify mental health conditions and explore treatment options, such as medications or counseling.

Last updated: July 20th, 2013

Posted in News & updates | Leave a comment

Silence

It’s a beautiful day and I’m inside. Scared.

I don’t know how to get out of this repetition.

I don’t know how to get out on my own.

I drag myself down, down, down.

Catch me I scream in silence.

I want to get out but I don’t feel like myself.

A body, an image have imprisoned me.

I don’t know how to speak

I don’t know how to behave

I’m scared of the evil

But at times it makes me smile

Catch me I scream in silence.

 

JmaC

Posted in Poetry Corner | Leave a comment

Quotes Religion

Each one is responsible for everything and everyone. (Ibid.)

The past is not our potential. At any hour, with all the stubborn teachers and healers of history who called us to our best selves, we can liberate the future. One by one we can re-choose – to awaken. To leave the prison of our conditioning. To love. To turn homeward. (Marilyn Ferguson, The Aquarian Conspiracy, which became one of the key books of The New Age in the late seventies.)

He who has killed a man who has committed neither crime nor sin on earth, he has killed all of humanity. He who has saved the life of one man has saved the life of humanity. (The Coran, El Madia, 32)

No one made a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could only do a little. (Edmund Burke)

The world will belong to he who offers it the greatest hope. (Teilhard de Chardin)

To reach divine consciousness, we must want it more than our own breath (David Luce)

All human failures are the result of a lack of love (Alfred Adler, one of the great psychologists of the early 20th century)

To risk is to lose your footing for a while, not to risk is to lose your life. (Soeren Kierkegaard, 19th century Danish philosopher)

No one knows enough to be a pessimist (Wayne Dyer)

The winds of grace are always blowing, but it is for you to hoist the sail (Ramakrishna)

Never give up, never, never,never… If you are going through hell, keep going. (Winston Churchill)

Posted in Favorite Quotes | Leave a comment